195.0 lbs
Yep, I've stumbled backward.
No excuses,
Just results
Good or bad
That's all I have
Yesterday ended last night
I have today to make it right
Okay, so I'm in a rhyming mood today :P Please just laugh at me and dismiss it :D
What I'm going to do is begin another 21 day restart to unlearn the bad behaviors and implement the good. Bad: skipping salads and indulging in lots of tasty food with little to no nutritional value.
Good:
1. Opting for salad with my grilled chicken (instead of rice or pasta).
2. Hooping and banding at the same times every day for a grand total of an hour.
3. Eat only in the kitchen.
4. Say "No" to unhealthy food, meaning "Yes" to a healthier me.
Again, it takes the human brain 21 days to make or break a habit. So, here I go again.
I want to feel healthy for my birthday in August this year; do I move toward 30 with one less life goal :)
Furthermore, Halloween and my size small Sassie Lassie costume are only 183 days away; so, I must keep that in mind or I will fail myself.
This is one time, I will do much more than survive... I will succeed and thrive.
Like Chuck, my closest older brother, wrote to me, I can let that fire defeat me. Or, I can let that fire forge me into an incredible sword, an incredible weapon, that can cut through anything, that can make it.
After all, the best way out is always through ;)
And, I kinda like the image of me fierce, in cute bronze armour with a sword and shield ready to defend myself and every child who needs someone who understands and will fight for them... :D What woman wouldn't ;)
First things first. Before I can wield a sword, I should probably learn to swing a baseball bat without smarting myself in my toosh :P
(then again, no one would suspect...)
Okay, off to hula to some Heart
I look forward to being a loser ^_^
Monday, April 30, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
Day 37 Operation Waistline Deadline
No change thanks to weekend b-day BBQ, cake and ice cream. I still feel ill :P
Some geeky quotes:
(I've long since forgotten who penned these; so sorry :D)
Use your imagination not to scare yourself to death, but to inspire yourself to life
Where you start is not as important as where you finish
Act as if everything you do makes a difference. It does
Sacrifice is TRADING-UP something good for something better - Me <3
It doesn't matter how slowly you go as long as you don't quit
The beginning is always today
It's the mind that makes the body
Don't be average. Be a model citizen
Wherever you do a thing, act as if the world is watching
People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do
All great achievements require time
Be unafraid of doing things slowly. Be afraid of standing still
It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves
Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out
Don't expect results from excuses
Tribulations teach patience. Patience teaches experience. Experience teaches hope. Hope is shameless (that's a Bible verse, but I forget which)
Be strong
Have courage
Don't be afraid
Don't get discouraged
God is with you
God is your life coach
God is your personal trainer
God is your cheer captain
Attitude and outlook are a choice
Fight through the fatigue that stands between you and success
How poor are they that have no patience
Pleasure and action make the hours seem short
This be madness yet there is method in it
(Shakespeare)
Strong reasons make strong actions
The miserable have no other medicine, but only hope
Self-love...is not so vile a sin as self-neglecting
You know what you are, but you know not what you may become
Screw your courage to the sticking-place, and you'll not fail
(Shakespeare)
Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment
Minds are like parachutes. They only function properly when open
Observe everything. Judge nothing
Never be afraid to do something now. Remember amateurs built the ark, professionals built the titanic.
Choice, not chance determines destiny
If you focus on results you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results
You cannot expect to achieve new goals or move beyond your present circumstances unless you change
We must be the change we wish to see in the world
Stumbling is not falling
A stumble may prevent a fall
Success is a staircase not a doorway
Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better
Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together
Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow
The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones
A man may walk over the mountain one step at a time
Little by little does the trick
You must act as if it is impossible to fail
Start doing what's necessary, then what's possible, and suddenly you'll be doing the impossible
Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness
Happiness begins on ourselves
There is only one person who could ever MAKE you happy, and that person is you
Insist on yourself. Never imitate
The only journey is the journey within
Don't bunt. Aim out of the ballpark
Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's heaven for?
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake
Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true
Every artist was first an amateur
Try not to become a success but a person of value
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm
We are masters of our fate. We ate captains of our souls
Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do
Fortune favors the brave
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds
The best way out is always through
A man's best successes come after his greatest disappointments
The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible
If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes
The self is continuously forming through choice of action
To accomplish a great thing, we must dream as well as act
Movement and methodical physical exercise save and preserve good human condition
Strength lies solely in tenacity
Action is a key to all success
Success is not spontaneous. You must set yourself afire to it
Success continues, you grow and develop, achieve one thing to step up to the next success
Set the goal YOU want
Keep everything in perspective, ask, "How important is this in the overall picture of my life?"
Success is action. I stumble, but I get up and don't quit
Keep most of your thoughts in the present, don't dwell on the past, don't obsess for the future
Replace old bad habits with healthy new habits
Value yourself to value your time to do something valuable with it
Do the best you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in any place you can, as long ad ever you can
(Sir Winston Churchill)
Behind me is infinite power
Before me is endless possibility
Around me is boundless opportunity
I have no fear
Let go of feeling responsible for others.
(You can only control yourself; so you have enough responsibility as it is, especially if you have children or aged/I'll family depending on you)
Plan Purposefully
Prepare Prayerfully
Proceed Positively
Pursue Persistently
Success is never final
Deal with yesterday's guilty feelings by doing what you can today to like yourself more
Change one behavior at a time
Self-trust is a key to success
Success is measured by the courage with which I maintain the struggle against overwhelming odds
Advice only works when I work
Avoid the self-sabotage of isolation and inactivity
Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm
There is no success without sacrifice
Behavior is learned and can be unlearned
Praise your efforts even if you aren't perfect
Take failure in stride. Each tie you fail, you ate that much closer to succeeding
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is not action then, but habit
Decide what you want
Energy ad persistence conquer all things
Things do not change. We change
Energy creates energy. It is by sending oneself that one becomes rich
Victory belongs to the most persevering
That which we persist in doing becomes easier...because our ability to perform it had improved
Nothing is stronger than habit
Concentrate on reaching your goal(s) in a relaxed manner and setting
The highest reward for your work is not what you get for it but what you become by it
Never underestimate your power to change yourself
Do something every day to make your dreams come true
Stay true to you
Refuse to accept limitations and labels... Be daring!
Don't wait. Open your own doors
Don't let what others think decide who you are
(Dennis Rodman)
I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than closed by belief
Don't wish for it. Work for it
Don't just dream it. Do it
You only fail if you stop trying
Some of my favourite passages in the Bible:
A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance
Proverbs 15:13a
One that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast
Proverbs 15:15b
Cast all your cares upon Him; for He careth for you
Isaiah 49:16a
A merry heart doeth good like a medicine
Proverbs 17:22
Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the boned.
Proverbs 16:24
...The lips of knowledge are a precious jewel
Proverbs 20:15b
Better is the poor that walketh in ones integrity...
Proverbs 19:1a
A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour than silver and gold.
Proverbs 22:1
One that hath hath a bountiful eye shall be blessed...
Proverbs 22:9a
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver
Proverbs 25:11
A wise one is strong, yea, a person of knowledge increaseth strength
Proverbs 24:5
Rejoice in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes
Ecclesiastes 11:9a
Better is the poor that walketh in ones uprightness
Proverbs 28:6a
[Give your tithe, your 10%, in private, so no one knows]
Matthew 6:1-4
Therefore remove sorrow from your heart
Ecclesiastes 11:10a
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, continue to habitually pray, be given to hospitality
Romans 12:12-13b
[Pray in private, alone, so no one sees or hears]
Matthew 5:5-6
Pursue peace, and look for ways to edifying others
Romans 14:19
As much as possible, live in peace with everyone
Romans 13:18
[daily fruits of the spirit:
love, joy, peace, faith, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, meekness, and temperance]
Galatians 5:22-23a
Do everything with charity (unconditional love)
1 Corinthians 16:14
There is hope...so eat, drink, and be merry; live joyfully in love, labour with all your might.
Ecclesiastes 9:4-10
[Anger is okay and natural, but no excuse to sin. Do not go to bed angry]
Ephesians 4:26
Truly the light is sweet, and a pleasant thing it is for the eyes to behold the sun
Ecclesiastes 11:7
Wisdom is better than strength
Ecclesiastes 9:16a
[Put on:
mercy, kindness,meekness, humbleness of mind, long suffering, forebearance, forgiveness, peace of God, grace of speech, charity-the bond of perfectness]
Colossians 3:12-15a, 4:6a
[Focus and think on:
truth, honesty, justice, purity, loveliness, good reports, virtuosity, praise]
Phillippians 4:8
[Think about what you're about to do then do it with purpose]
Proverbs 4:26
[If you want friends, be a friend, to everyone, out of unconditional love]
Proverbs 18:24, Hebrews 13:1-2
Be meek and ever in a mindset of learning and good conscience
1 Peter 3:15-16a
Have compassion, and make a difference
Jude 1:22
Having food and clothing, be content...be gentle and patient
1 Timothy 6:8, 2 Timothy 2:24b
Sanctify God in your heart.
[Be ready answer why and how you have hope and believe in God]
1 Peter 3:15-16a
with God all things are possible
Matthew 19:26
Blessed is the one that endureth temptation
James 1:12
On that note, these next quotes are easy to take to an unhealthy extreme. So if your still technically a teen, run these by your parent(s) first. Once they've screened them and defined the boundaries, then you can discuss applying them to your weight loss journey. Bright side :D boundaries give you power. They are made to protect you and you get to enforce them when your parents aren't there to stand up for ya. You can control your own actions and thoughts; so once your parents set the parameters, you are free within them. Safe. If anyone tries to breach your walls, your parents can take them down if they don't back down for you when you state your warnings. So, don't let anyone put unrealistic expectations on your appearance. Don't let your supposed "friends" use bully tactics to have you questioning your body image. If they try to, Wham! Have comebacks ready. Chat with your parents and come up with a few phrases to bat back the bully talk. Being prepared for the bully is a kind of power. It's foresight, a kind of knowledge. So, you're smarter than they are because you were ready for them :D As silly as it will feel to role play with your parents, it works. Seriously. Think of it as making a battle strategy. Planning and building and fortifying your defenses. These quotes are to help, not to be taken to a harmful extreme like Ana or Mia ("Mee-uh") aka anorexia and bulimia. If you start thinking along those lines, step back and chat with your parent(s). Maybe you just need a buddy (parents make for a great audience) ;) to cheer you on and cheer you up, not quotes on paper :)
Anyway, here are the zany quotes floating around cyberspace, support groups and so on:
I'm like a sculpture, a perfect piece of art that is not attained until there is nothing left to be taken away
I do not live to eat
I eat to live
Eat in the presence of others
(whenever possible. Imagine them measuring your every bite)
Write IT away
(cravings, anxiety, boredom, discouragement, etc)
I've come too far in life to take orders from food
Sugar is poison!
(really, it serves no nutritional purpose, it damages organs and withdrawal is as bad as that of cocaine)
Junk food is garbage, trash
Do you really consider it a Treat to eat trash?
Calories canNOT make you happy
So why stuff your feelings with trash?
Processed foods extend shelf life and your waist line
Everything looks cute on a healthy figure
I'm losing this fat ninny
To be a winner, brave and skinny
This is forever. I will do whatever...it takes. I want a long healthy life
The thinner is the winner
Because she's a loser :P
My body keeps an accurate journal regardless of what I write down
Bigger snacks mean bigger slacks
What I eat in private will show-up in public
(I had a nightmare that I turned into a carrot-colored woman *shiver* But I eat em anyway :D)
Stressed is desserts spelled backward
You become what you think about
So think thin!
(Try not to think about You-Know-Who 24/7 or you'll switch places and you're not an artist!)
You are what you eat
(so I should eat a gorgeous perfect version of myself??? Where is that chick?...)
An unhealthy body reflects an unhealthy person to potential employers, clients, etc
I'm not healthy yet, but I'm healthier than I was yesterday
Not eating right makes your clothes tight
(like chocolate. It keeps shrinking my blue jeans!) ;)
Every time I say, "No, thank-you" to junk food, I'm really saying, "Yes, please!" to a healthy body
Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels
Taste everything. Eat nothing
(Dinah Shore)
Drink a glass of water before each meal
You'll feel full faster
And hopefully skip dessert aka not get "stressed"
Cleat an exercise space in your bedroom
(15 minutes of stretching when you wake up and before you go to bed is better than no activity)
Craving junk food? Imagine all the disgusting nasty gunk that goes into it.
(the metals, minerals, oils, fats, dyes...)
Make a Look Book of cute clothing styles you hope to wear once you reach your goal, along with photos of celebs your age and height who are within the healthy weight range (BMI) and browse it anytime you need
Food cannot move. As long as I don't touch it, it cannot force itself on me.
Distract! Distract! Distract! Wash dishes, do laundry, vacuum, dust, garden, go for a walk, read, sketch, paint, sing, whatever, just busy yourself
Clothes too big? Take them to the donations box. Not going back there. Ever
Eating at home? Only in the kitchen, sitting down, with no distractions. Focus on eating so it registers. No food outside the kitchen. Period
Craving candy? Suck on a sugar-free vitamin c drop (5 calories Halls and yummy)
Exercise first thing every morning
(you'll think twice before self-sabotaging your hard work, and you'll feel better about yourself throughout the day)
Secretly compete with healthy women your age and height. Clip photos of celebs to motivate yourself. Pretend you're about to be her in a play or you won one of her red carpet gowns and have to model it, whatever...
Take a good multivitamin daily
Make your bed every morning
It burns up to 10 calories
You'll feel better about your space
and it's so comfy to slide between neat sheets ^_^
Choose parking spots farthest from entrances
Use YouTube and Google for pep and motivation
Photos, articles, comedians, videos, etc
Pamper yourself
Who doesn't love a bubble bath with sparkling wine, a mini mani-pedi, a mini facial, deep cleansing and deep conditioning your hair, a full body lotion lather, perfect makeup, killer hairstyle, cute outfit, whitened teeth, treating yourself to lunch at a cafe and look mysterious sitting all alone nibbling at your salad :P Go window shopping and take photos of the clothes you try on so you know what you want to buy in that smaller size...?Whatever! Have fun distracting yourself :D
Don't get bored. Stay cheery and mentally active
Stay away from that kitchen!
Stay hydrated! Sip water constantly throughout the day, not gulps of one or three bottles here and there
A craving is just a feeling. Healthy is a honed skill
Booyakah!
A moment on the lips, forever on the hips
Feel deprived of junk food? Just imagine all those cute clothes you're being deprived of by being unhealthy, and all the other things you're missing out on because you're unhealthy
It's better to exercise 1/2 hour than to be unhealthy 24 hours a day, every day for the rest of a shortened life
This last collection of factoids are tidbits I've gathered in research over these past weeks. Read on if you're either very bored, trying to put yourself to sleep or as obsessive as I am when it comes to perfecting a project to microscopic testing standards :P
Like Dante warned, there's no undoing this trip :P
Never sit still. Fidget so you're in constant activity, burning calories
Focus on upcoming events
(birthday, Halloween and a small costume :D)
Set out, in the next size down, a cute outfit you want to wear
Weigh yourself regularly, at the same time and record it
Shy about explaining yourself when others question your restaurant or snack choices? Use your health as the reason. "I have a health issue and need to avoid certain foods."
They aren't entitled to any more than that. If they push for details, either out of rudeness or concern, "I'd rather not go into detail, it's too personal. But I'll be okay. It's not too serious."
People are nice, or passive or just don't care enough to be honest and, well, lie. The scale, bmi tester and measuring tape do not lie
Never eat a meal larger than your fist
Eat every 2-3 hours (min-max)
Never eat within 3 hours of sleeping
Get 8-9 hours of sleep
Eat until you are no longer hungry, not until you feel full/stuffed - that's a sign you've eaten too much
Brush your teeth when a craving hits. Nothing tastes good after toothpaste
Keep a journal/log of food and beverages consumed, activity, cravings, thoughts of food, temptations and dealing with them, restaurant experiences, eating with others and how you managed, etc
Rid the entire house of junk food. If your family and friends truly care, they'll support you and help you while you transition. They can hide their stash somewhere else
Number your bites. Limit yourself to X amount of bites when you know you need to
Exercise to music. It helps the time pass more quickly
Cut your food into tiny bites
Eat with your non-dominant hand
Put the utensil down while chewing
Cold showers burn calories
Wear as little as possible when exercising. Your clothes will be less forgiving; so you'll want to exercise longer
Read the ENTIRE nutrition label
Friends eating junk food? Opt for sugar-free candy or gum
Keep a stash in your purse or pocket
Do a 10-day detox every year or six months
Wear lip color and gloss
You won't want to smudge it by eating or drinking
These last few are questionable and I only include them because they are given me in advisement, be they wise or nutty who "helped me out"
*insert dramatic eye roll here*
Do this for that little black dress and the strappy heels :)
Do this for that itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini :D
Do it for the traffic-stopping body?
Do it for the wolf whistles, stares, double takes and once overs?
Do it for shorts, tank tops, mini skirts and mini dresses :P
Do it for sleeves that don't pinch :D lol
Do it so your thighs no longer communicate with cicadas :D lol
Do it to make the mean girls jealous
Do it for the surprised looks on "their" faces
Do it for the whispers and gossip about how you did it because they're jealous
Do it to prove "them" wrong
Do it to be so svelte you no longer care what other women think
DO THIS FOR YOURSELF!
Okay, these are food related and, I admit, sound goofy, but they're useful
To an extent
(sure, I got laughed up one side and down the other by my family when I was making my little flash cards, but I endured for the cause! and just stuck my tongue out at them, got haughty and pouted while trying not to laugh at myself too :P)
Your friends are:
Chicken broth
Plain air-popped popcorn
Sugar-free gum
Salsa with chiles
Spinach leaves
Hot chocolate or cappuccino in water
Seaweed (the algitate or whatever it's called)
Sugar-free vitamin c drops
Diet sodas (not dark colas - too much phosphorous is bad for your kidneys)
Coffee with nonfat milk (caffeine is an appetite suppressant too)
Water with lemon
Green tea
Sugar-free hard candy occasionally
Jelly beans occasionally
Eating out? Order a salad with dressing on the side
Avoid sandwiches
(so much bread and sodium in the meat and cheese)
Hate butter!
(really, it has no nutritional value and only harms your body and health)
Okay, these break my heart. I found them, circulating on websites run by teenage girls. I cried as I read their blogs and stories. I do NOT promote these ideas, but I have friends with young daughters and sons who are exposed to this at school.
They promote laxatives and the like
Stomach growling? Imagine fat being gnawed away
Don't eat.
If you want food inside you, just look in the mirror at your gut, thighs and arms
I don't care if it hurts
I have the control
I'll have a pretty body
I'll have a pretty soul
I'm not yet a winner
I could be thinner
I will not eat dinner
Or
I'm not yet a winner
I could be thinner
I must go throw up dinner
You see why I cried. That's just the tip of the iceberg for these kids. Tragic.
Eating one small meal, the size of one's fist, every two to three hours will speed up the metabolism.
Learning your BMR, RMR and what your BMI should be will help you. You can adjust the calories you consume logically, safely to lose the unhealthy weight over a realistic period of time.
Mycaloriecounter.com is a great site that does the math for you
Tata y'all ^_^
Some geeky quotes:
(I've long since forgotten who penned these; so sorry :D)
Use your imagination not to scare yourself to death, but to inspire yourself to life
Where you start is not as important as where you finish
Act as if everything you do makes a difference. It does
Sacrifice is TRADING-UP something good for something better - Me <3
It doesn't matter how slowly you go as long as you don't quit
The beginning is always today
It's the mind that makes the body
Don't be average. Be a model citizen
Wherever you do a thing, act as if the world is watching
People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do
All great achievements require time
Be unafraid of doing things slowly. Be afraid of standing still
It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves
Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out
Don't expect results from excuses
Tribulations teach patience. Patience teaches experience. Experience teaches hope. Hope is shameless (that's a Bible verse, but I forget which)
Be strong
Have courage
Don't be afraid
Don't get discouraged
God is with you
God is your life coach
God is your personal trainer
God is your cheer captain
Attitude and outlook are a choice
Fight through the fatigue that stands between you and success
How poor are they that have no patience
Pleasure and action make the hours seem short
This be madness yet there is method in it
(Shakespeare)
Strong reasons make strong actions
The miserable have no other medicine, but only hope
Self-love...is not so vile a sin as self-neglecting
You know what you are, but you know not what you may become
Screw your courage to the sticking-place, and you'll not fail
(Shakespeare)
Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment
Minds are like parachutes. They only function properly when open
Observe everything. Judge nothing
Never be afraid to do something now. Remember amateurs built the ark, professionals built the titanic.
Choice, not chance determines destiny
If you focus on results you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results
You cannot expect to achieve new goals or move beyond your present circumstances unless you change
We must be the change we wish to see in the world
Stumbling is not falling
A stumble may prevent a fall
Success is a staircase not a doorway
Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better
Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together
Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow
The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones
A man may walk over the mountain one step at a time
Little by little does the trick
You must act as if it is impossible to fail
Start doing what's necessary, then what's possible, and suddenly you'll be doing the impossible
Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness
Happiness begins on ourselves
There is only one person who could ever MAKE you happy, and that person is you
Insist on yourself. Never imitate
The only journey is the journey within
Don't bunt. Aim out of the ballpark
Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's heaven for?
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake
Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true
Every artist was first an amateur
Try not to become a success but a person of value
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm
We are masters of our fate. We ate captains of our souls
Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do
Fortune favors the brave
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds
The best way out is always through
A man's best successes come after his greatest disappointments
The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible
If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes
The self is continuously forming through choice of action
To accomplish a great thing, we must dream as well as act
Movement and methodical physical exercise save and preserve good human condition
Strength lies solely in tenacity
Action is a key to all success
Success is not spontaneous. You must set yourself afire to it
Success continues, you grow and develop, achieve one thing to step up to the next success
Set the goal YOU want
Keep everything in perspective, ask, "How important is this in the overall picture of my life?"
Success is action. I stumble, but I get up and don't quit
Keep most of your thoughts in the present, don't dwell on the past, don't obsess for the future
Replace old bad habits with healthy new habits
Value yourself to value your time to do something valuable with it
Do the best you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in any place you can, as long ad ever you can
(Sir Winston Churchill)
Behind me is infinite power
Before me is endless possibility
Around me is boundless opportunity
I have no fear
Let go of feeling responsible for others.
(You can only control yourself; so you have enough responsibility as it is, especially if you have children or aged/I'll family depending on you)
Plan Purposefully
Prepare Prayerfully
Proceed Positively
Pursue Persistently
Success is never final
Deal with yesterday's guilty feelings by doing what you can today to like yourself more
Change one behavior at a time
Self-trust is a key to success
Success is measured by the courage with which I maintain the struggle against overwhelming odds
Advice only works when I work
Avoid the self-sabotage of isolation and inactivity
Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm
There is no success without sacrifice
Behavior is learned and can be unlearned
Praise your efforts even if you aren't perfect
Take failure in stride. Each tie you fail, you ate that much closer to succeeding
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is not action then, but habit
Decide what you want
Energy ad persistence conquer all things
Things do not change. We change
Energy creates energy. It is by sending oneself that one becomes rich
Victory belongs to the most persevering
That which we persist in doing becomes easier...because our ability to perform it had improved
Nothing is stronger than habit
Concentrate on reaching your goal(s) in a relaxed manner and setting
The highest reward for your work is not what you get for it but what you become by it
Never underestimate your power to change yourself
Do something every day to make your dreams come true
Stay true to you
Refuse to accept limitations and labels... Be daring!
Don't wait. Open your own doors
Don't let what others think decide who you are
(Dennis Rodman)
I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than closed by belief
Don't wish for it. Work for it
Don't just dream it. Do it
You only fail if you stop trying
Some of my favourite passages in the Bible:
A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance
Proverbs 15:13a
One that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast
Proverbs 15:15b
Cast all your cares upon Him; for He careth for you
Isaiah 49:16a
A merry heart doeth good like a medicine
Proverbs 17:22
Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the boned.
Proverbs 16:24
...The lips of knowledge are a precious jewel
Proverbs 20:15b
Better is the poor that walketh in ones integrity...
Proverbs 19:1a
A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour than silver and gold.
Proverbs 22:1
One that hath hath a bountiful eye shall be blessed...
Proverbs 22:9a
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver
Proverbs 25:11
A wise one is strong, yea, a person of knowledge increaseth strength
Proverbs 24:5
Rejoice in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes
Ecclesiastes 11:9a
Better is the poor that walketh in ones uprightness
Proverbs 28:6a
[Give your tithe, your 10%, in private, so no one knows]
Matthew 6:1-4
Therefore remove sorrow from your heart
Ecclesiastes 11:10a
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, continue to habitually pray, be given to hospitality
Romans 12:12-13b
[Pray in private, alone, so no one sees or hears]
Matthew 5:5-6
Pursue peace, and look for ways to edifying others
Romans 14:19
As much as possible, live in peace with everyone
Romans 13:18
[daily fruits of the spirit:
love, joy, peace, faith, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, meekness, and temperance]
Galatians 5:22-23a
Do everything with charity (unconditional love)
1 Corinthians 16:14
There is hope...so eat, drink, and be merry; live joyfully in love, labour with all your might.
Ecclesiastes 9:4-10
[Anger is okay and natural, but no excuse to sin. Do not go to bed angry]
Ephesians 4:26
Truly the light is sweet, and a pleasant thing it is for the eyes to behold the sun
Ecclesiastes 11:7
Wisdom is better than strength
Ecclesiastes 9:16a
[Put on:
mercy, kindness,meekness, humbleness of mind, long suffering, forebearance, forgiveness, peace of God, grace of speech, charity-the bond of perfectness]
Colossians 3:12-15a, 4:6a
[Focus and think on:
truth, honesty, justice, purity, loveliness, good reports, virtuosity, praise]
Phillippians 4:8
[Think about what you're about to do then do it with purpose]
Proverbs 4:26
[If you want friends, be a friend, to everyone, out of unconditional love]
Proverbs 18:24, Hebrews 13:1-2
Be meek and ever in a mindset of learning and good conscience
1 Peter 3:15-16a
Have compassion, and make a difference
Jude 1:22
Having food and clothing, be content...be gentle and patient
1 Timothy 6:8, 2 Timothy 2:24b
Sanctify God in your heart.
[Be ready answer why and how you have hope and believe in God]
1 Peter 3:15-16a
with God all things are possible
Matthew 19:26
Blessed is the one that endureth temptation
James 1:12
On that note, these next quotes are easy to take to an unhealthy extreme. So if your still technically a teen, run these by your parent(s) first. Once they've screened them and defined the boundaries, then you can discuss applying them to your weight loss journey. Bright side :D boundaries give you power. They are made to protect you and you get to enforce them when your parents aren't there to stand up for ya. You can control your own actions and thoughts; so once your parents set the parameters, you are free within them. Safe. If anyone tries to breach your walls, your parents can take them down if they don't back down for you when you state your warnings. So, don't let anyone put unrealistic expectations on your appearance. Don't let your supposed "friends" use bully tactics to have you questioning your body image. If they try to, Wham! Have comebacks ready. Chat with your parents and come up with a few phrases to bat back the bully talk. Being prepared for the bully is a kind of power. It's foresight, a kind of knowledge. So, you're smarter than they are because you were ready for them :D As silly as it will feel to role play with your parents, it works. Seriously. Think of it as making a battle strategy. Planning and building and fortifying your defenses. These quotes are to help, not to be taken to a harmful extreme like Ana or Mia ("Mee-uh") aka anorexia and bulimia. If you start thinking along those lines, step back and chat with your parent(s). Maybe you just need a buddy (parents make for a great audience) ;) to cheer you on and cheer you up, not quotes on paper :)
Anyway, here are the zany quotes floating around cyberspace, support groups and so on:
I'm like a sculpture, a perfect piece of art that is not attained until there is nothing left to be taken away
I do not live to eat
I eat to live
Eat in the presence of others
(whenever possible. Imagine them measuring your every bite)
Write IT away
(cravings, anxiety, boredom, discouragement, etc)
I've come too far in life to take orders from food
Sugar is poison!
(really, it serves no nutritional purpose, it damages organs and withdrawal is as bad as that of cocaine)
Junk food is garbage, trash
Do you really consider it a Treat to eat trash?
Calories canNOT make you happy
So why stuff your feelings with trash?
Processed foods extend shelf life and your waist line
Everything looks cute on a healthy figure
I'm losing this fat ninny
To be a winner, brave and skinny
This is forever. I will do whatever...it takes. I want a long healthy life
The thinner is the winner
Because she's a loser :P
My body keeps an accurate journal regardless of what I write down
Bigger snacks mean bigger slacks
What I eat in private will show-up in public
(I had a nightmare that I turned into a carrot-colored woman *shiver* But I eat em anyway :D)
Stressed is desserts spelled backward
You become what you think about
So think thin!
(Try not to think about You-Know-Who 24/7 or you'll switch places and you're not an artist!)
You are what you eat
(so I should eat a gorgeous perfect version of myself??? Where is that chick?...)
An unhealthy body reflects an unhealthy person to potential employers, clients, etc
I'm not healthy yet, but I'm healthier than I was yesterday
Not eating right makes your clothes tight
(like chocolate. It keeps shrinking my blue jeans!) ;)
Every time I say, "No, thank-you" to junk food, I'm really saying, "Yes, please!" to a healthy body
Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels
Taste everything. Eat nothing
(Dinah Shore)
Drink a glass of water before each meal
You'll feel full faster
And hopefully skip dessert aka not get "stressed"
Cleat an exercise space in your bedroom
(15 minutes of stretching when you wake up and before you go to bed is better than no activity)
Craving junk food? Imagine all the disgusting nasty gunk that goes into it.
(the metals, minerals, oils, fats, dyes...)
Make a Look Book of cute clothing styles you hope to wear once you reach your goal, along with photos of celebs your age and height who are within the healthy weight range (BMI) and browse it anytime you need
Food cannot move. As long as I don't touch it, it cannot force itself on me.
Distract! Distract! Distract! Wash dishes, do laundry, vacuum, dust, garden, go for a walk, read, sketch, paint, sing, whatever, just busy yourself
Clothes too big? Take them to the donations box. Not going back there. Ever
Eating at home? Only in the kitchen, sitting down, with no distractions. Focus on eating so it registers. No food outside the kitchen. Period
Craving candy? Suck on a sugar-free vitamin c drop (5 calories Halls and yummy)
Exercise first thing every morning
(you'll think twice before self-sabotaging your hard work, and you'll feel better about yourself throughout the day)
Secretly compete with healthy women your age and height. Clip photos of celebs to motivate yourself. Pretend you're about to be her in a play or you won one of her red carpet gowns and have to model it, whatever...
Take a good multivitamin daily
Make your bed every morning
It burns up to 10 calories
You'll feel better about your space
and it's so comfy to slide between neat sheets ^_^
Choose parking spots farthest from entrances
Use YouTube and Google for pep and motivation
Photos, articles, comedians, videos, etc
Pamper yourself
Who doesn't love a bubble bath with sparkling wine, a mini mani-pedi, a mini facial, deep cleansing and deep conditioning your hair, a full body lotion lather, perfect makeup, killer hairstyle, cute outfit, whitened teeth, treating yourself to lunch at a cafe and look mysterious sitting all alone nibbling at your salad :P Go window shopping and take photos of the clothes you try on so you know what you want to buy in that smaller size...?Whatever! Have fun distracting yourself :D
Don't get bored. Stay cheery and mentally active
Stay away from that kitchen!
Stay hydrated! Sip water constantly throughout the day, not gulps of one or three bottles here and there
A craving is just a feeling. Healthy is a honed skill
Booyakah!
A moment on the lips, forever on the hips
Feel deprived of junk food? Just imagine all those cute clothes you're being deprived of by being unhealthy, and all the other things you're missing out on because you're unhealthy
It's better to exercise 1/2 hour than to be unhealthy 24 hours a day, every day for the rest of a shortened life
This last collection of factoids are tidbits I've gathered in research over these past weeks. Read on if you're either very bored, trying to put yourself to sleep or as obsessive as I am when it comes to perfecting a project to microscopic testing standards :P
Like Dante warned, there's no undoing this trip :P
Never sit still. Fidget so you're in constant activity, burning calories
Focus on upcoming events
(birthday, Halloween and a small costume :D)
Set out, in the next size down, a cute outfit you want to wear
Weigh yourself regularly, at the same time and record it
Shy about explaining yourself when others question your restaurant or snack choices? Use your health as the reason. "I have a health issue and need to avoid certain foods."
They aren't entitled to any more than that. If they push for details, either out of rudeness or concern, "I'd rather not go into detail, it's too personal. But I'll be okay. It's not too serious."
People are nice, or passive or just don't care enough to be honest and, well, lie. The scale, bmi tester and measuring tape do not lie
Never eat a meal larger than your fist
Eat every 2-3 hours (min-max)
Never eat within 3 hours of sleeping
Get 8-9 hours of sleep
Eat until you are no longer hungry, not until you feel full/stuffed - that's a sign you've eaten too much
Brush your teeth when a craving hits. Nothing tastes good after toothpaste
Keep a journal/log of food and beverages consumed, activity, cravings, thoughts of food, temptations and dealing with them, restaurant experiences, eating with others and how you managed, etc
Rid the entire house of junk food. If your family and friends truly care, they'll support you and help you while you transition. They can hide their stash somewhere else
Number your bites. Limit yourself to X amount of bites when you know you need to
Exercise to music. It helps the time pass more quickly
Cut your food into tiny bites
Eat with your non-dominant hand
Put the utensil down while chewing
Cold showers burn calories
Wear as little as possible when exercising. Your clothes will be less forgiving; so you'll want to exercise longer
Read the ENTIRE nutrition label
Friends eating junk food? Opt for sugar-free candy or gum
Keep a stash in your purse or pocket
Do a 10-day detox every year or six months
Wear lip color and gloss
You won't want to smudge it by eating or drinking
These last few are questionable and I only include them because they are given me in advisement, be they wise or nutty who "helped me out"
*insert dramatic eye roll here*
Do this for that little black dress and the strappy heels :)
Do this for that itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini :D
Do it for the traffic-stopping body?
Do it for the wolf whistles, stares, double takes and once overs?
Do it for shorts, tank tops, mini skirts and mini dresses :P
Do it for sleeves that don't pinch :D lol
Do it so your thighs no longer communicate with cicadas :D lol
Do it to make the mean girls jealous
Do it for the surprised looks on "their" faces
Do it for the whispers and gossip about how you did it because they're jealous
Do it to prove "them" wrong
Do it to be so svelte you no longer care what other women think
DO THIS FOR YOURSELF!
Okay, these are food related and, I admit, sound goofy, but they're useful
To an extent
(sure, I got laughed up one side and down the other by my family when I was making my little flash cards, but I endured for the cause! and just stuck my tongue out at them, got haughty and pouted while trying not to laugh at myself too :P)
Your friends are:
Chicken broth
Plain air-popped popcorn
Sugar-free gum
Salsa with chiles
Spinach leaves
Hot chocolate or cappuccino in water
Seaweed (the algitate or whatever it's called)
Sugar-free vitamin c drops
Diet sodas (not dark colas - too much phosphorous is bad for your kidneys)
Coffee with nonfat milk (caffeine is an appetite suppressant too)
Water with lemon
Green tea
Sugar-free hard candy occasionally
Jelly beans occasionally
Eating out? Order a salad with dressing on the side
Avoid sandwiches
(so much bread and sodium in the meat and cheese)
Hate butter!
(really, it has no nutritional value and only harms your body and health)
Okay, these break my heart. I found them, circulating on websites run by teenage girls. I cried as I read their blogs and stories. I do NOT promote these ideas, but I have friends with young daughters and sons who are exposed to this at school.
They promote laxatives and the like
Stomach growling? Imagine fat being gnawed away
Don't eat.
If you want food inside you, just look in the mirror at your gut, thighs and arms
I don't care if it hurts
I have the control
I'll have a pretty body
I'll have a pretty soul
I'm not yet a winner
I could be thinner
I will not eat dinner
Or
I'm not yet a winner
I could be thinner
I must go throw up dinner
You see why I cried. That's just the tip of the iceberg for these kids. Tragic.
Eating one small meal, the size of one's fist, every two to three hours will speed up the metabolism.
Learning your BMR, RMR and what your BMI should be will help you. You can adjust the calories you consume logically, safely to lose the unhealthy weight over a realistic period of time.
Mycaloriecounter.com is a great site that does the math for you
Tata y'all ^_^
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Cox Hospitals, Burrell Behavioral Health
Cox Hospitals
Burrell Behavioral Health
Springfield, Missouri
Nixa, Missouri
Milano House, Residential Facility for At-Risk Teens
If you or someone you know or know of is directly or indirectly "involved" with this agency, I urge you to do considerable research and digging before moving one step further with them.
I know, as a parent of a child who is Mentally or Behaviorally or Emotionally Ill child, you may be at your wit's end, but being well-informed may make all the difference between healing and further regressing in your child's condition.
I speak from first-person experience, as a former patient.
This facility is to be compared with a minimum security prison for teens.
Every day, every night, for two and a half years, I felt I was being punished for being sick and scared.
It got so traumatic that I "played the system" and "graduated" to self-medicate and strike out on my own as an under-informed young adult.
I've written previously about the lack of nutrition and how it contributed to a bad habit of poor eating that lasted nearly 15 years.
I've also written of depressing living conditions in which my only solace was a bed near a window once in a while as beds rotated.
I've written of the lack of privacy and dignity.
Oh, how I wish St John's/Mercy Hospital would build an alternative. It's night and day, the dichotomies of Mercy to Cox. Tragic.
It takes less than 5 minutes to note the differences as you go through admitting.
I ache for the children of this area, knowing they have no alternative unless they have considerable means.
So, please! Warn parents. If they exercise their right and authority as patent, it could make a difference in their child's care at a facility.
Don't be afraid to breath down the necks of care providers.
If they aren't caring, they aren't doing their job. It's as simple as that.
Burrell Behavioral Health
Springfield, Missouri
Nixa, Missouri
Milano House, Residential Facility for At-Risk Teens
If you or someone you know or know of is directly or indirectly "involved" with this agency, I urge you to do considerable research and digging before moving one step further with them.
I know, as a parent of a child who is Mentally or Behaviorally or Emotionally Ill child, you may be at your wit's end, but being well-informed may make all the difference between healing and further regressing in your child's condition.
I speak from first-person experience, as a former patient.
This facility is to be compared with a minimum security prison for teens.
Every day, every night, for two and a half years, I felt I was being punished for being sick and scared.
It got so traumatic that I "played the system" and "graduated" to self-medicate and strike out on my own as an under-informed young adult.
I've written previously about the lack of nutrition and how it contributed to a bad habit of poor eating that lasted nearly 15 years.
I've also written of depressing living conditions in which my only solace was a bed near a window once in a while as beds rotated.
I've written of the lack of privacy and dignity.
Oh, how I wish St John's/Mercy Hospital would build an alternative. It's night and day, the dichotomies of Mercy to Cox. Tragic.
It takes less than 5 minutes to note the differences as you go through admitting.
I ache for the children of this area, knowing they have no alternative unless they have considerable means.
So, please! Warn parents. If they exercise their right and authority as patent, it could make a difference in their child's care at a facility.
Don't be afraid to breath down the necks of care providers.
If they aren't caring, they aren't doing their job. It's as simple as that.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Day Dunno Operation Waistline Deadline
I'm eating when someone puts food in front of me, whatever anyone puts in front of me and that's all I know.
I might be stumbling backward a few pounds, but I've been knocked back a few paces from any perspective.
The only "I hope something fits" moments I'm having are staring at my black wardrobe and trying to make sense of it all.
I hate fashion at the moment. There are inappropriate styles, unseasonable styles, clashing pieces and the worst part of it all, remembering other funerals I've worn ensembles to.
Would it betray the memory of the other person I loved to wear the same outfit?
On top of that, how can I continue segregating parts of my wardrobe for mourning? Every time I glance that way, a pang, however brief, stops my heart.
Is it healthy to have a mourning wardrobe? Or is it simply practical and respectful?
I'd like to think it's respectful, practical and a little sentimental in a reminiscent way.
I know, I'm over-thinking. I always do. At least I'm aware of it nowadays and not paralyzed by it.
I've carefully chosen the pieces. A long black skirt, a Victorian black satin and lace blouse, black flats with a kitten heel, a barrette to pull my hair halfway-up loosely.
I bought several packs of Pocket Puffs tissues for any ladies in embarrassing need, waterproof makeup, über-strong hairspray for the wind, I have a black fan from my Great Aunt Vī,who lived in Spain, in case it's sweltering or the sun is glaring.
I hate that I think do much.
I wish there were a switch to dumb myself down. I might say Duh a lot, but the trade-off could be worth it. No more obsessing when what's important is just paying respect and saying goodbye, getting closure. If there really is so certain and sure a time. It's always been gradual to me.
Anyway, at days end tomorrow, there's no switch to flip and shed light on one's life again simply because the formalities are finalized. Our senses carry memories. It takes the human brain 21 days to break a habit. Those two premiss alone are sufficient to conclude that a sense of peace/closure/normalcy won't occur for those closest to the lost when they awake Thursday morning.
I am removed now. I'll pray for the family every time they cross my mind, and try to make that often. They have a lifetime of reminders, memories to put to rest in a place of peace within themselves.
OWD can be put off. Grief cannot.
I might be stumbling backward a few pounds, but I've been knocked back a few paces from any perspective.
The only "I hope something fits" moments I'm having are staring at my black wardrobe and trying to make sense of it all.
I hate fashion at the moment. There are inappropriate styles, unseasonable styles, clashing pieces and the worst part of it all, remembering other funerals I've worn ensembles to.
Would it betray the memory of the other person I loved to wear the same outfit?
On top of that, how can I continue segregating parts of my wardrobe for mourning? Every time I glance that way, a pang, however brief, stops my heart.
Is it healthy to have a mourning wardrobe? Or is it simply practical and respectful?
I'd like to think it's respectful, practical and a little sentimental in a reminiscent way.
I know, I'm over-thinking. I always do. At least I'm aware of it nowadays and not paralyzed by it.
I've carefully chosen the pieces. A long black skirt, a Victorian black satin and lace blouse, black flats with a kitten heel, a barrette to pull my hair halfway-up loosely.
I bought several packs of Pocket Puffs tissues for any ladies in embarrassing need, waterproof makeup, über-strong hairspray for the wind, I have a black fan from my Great Aunt Vī,who lived in Spain, in case it's sweltering or the sun is glaring.
I hate that I think do much.
I wish there were a switch to dumb myself down. I might say Duh a lot, but the trade-off could be worth it. No more obsessing when what's important is just paying respect and saying goodbye, getting closure. If there really is so certain and sure a time. It's always been gradual to me.
Anyway, at days end tomorrow, there's no switch to flip and shed light on one's life again simply because the formalities are finalized. Our senses carry memories. It takes the human brain 21 days to break a habit. Those two premiss alone are sufficient to conclude that a sense of peace/closure/normalcy won't occur for those closest to the lost when they awake Thursday morning.
I am removed now. I'll pray for the family every time they cross my mind, and try to make that often. They have a lifetime of reminders, memories to put to rest in a place of peace within themselves.
OWD can be put off. Grief cannot.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Day 21 Operation Waistline Deadline
Okay, so 21 days means that from here on in it should become easier and easier for me to march to the toot (heehee I said toot) of my new healthy horn (I never said it would be a grown-up horn now did I :D ).
195.3 lbs
My Momma made an excellent suggestion today. She's rather clever at times and devised a ceiling number for me. She asked me what weight, at most, I would be happy with throughout life. I thought about it and said from here to being elderly, I should try to stay below 125 for my height.
She then said that I could never have any 9's, 8's, 7's, 6's on the scale. I thought about it and changed my tune. I lowered it. 122. No 5's 4's or 3's either. 122.2 is the highest weight I can be. That means I have to be very conscientious of my BMR and RMR once I reach my mid-life goal weight of 112.0 pounds. My grace is only 0.2 pounds. Ha! But, with my renewed love affair with exercise, I can always, as Loyd would say, Totally redeem myself! by adding a few minutes or whatever to my routine if I decide to indulge in poisonous food like sugary stuff.
Speaking of exercise. I bought 3 exercise bands for $20 at Target today (where I also bumped into my 6th grade teacher whom I loved, and still do. Ah! She looks great! Absolutely glows!). Anyway, the set has a small one to circle both ankles and work inner/outer thighs. It has a medium length two-hand band that works well behind the back vertically or in front horizontally on arms and shoulders and chest. And, it has a long two-hand or hand-to-foot band that works arms and core as well. I'm so excited! I'm like the coffee warehouse guy in the USPS commercial who should switch to decaf. And all I've had today is water to drink. Yipe! I'm addicted ^_^
I wish it hadn't started raining right after I got home or I'd be on the deck blasting 80's music and trying them out leg-warmer style :(
Oh well, home gym it is. Inside. Kinda dreery. Too quiet even with music. Thunder. Skies' stomach is growling. Lights seem harsh. No flowers in here. But home gym it is. :P Kidding. It's okay. I can move furniture and use the living room. Ooooooo! I'll watch Burlesque!!!!!
195.3 lbs
My Momma made an excellent suggestion today. She's rather clever at times and devised a ceiling number for me. She asked me what weight, at most, I would be happy with throughout life. I thought about it and said from here to being elderly, I should try to stay below 125 for my height.
She then said that I could never have any 9's, 8's, 7's, 6's on the scale. I thought about it and changed my tune. I lowered it. 122. No 5's 4's or 3's either. 122.2 is the highest weight I can be. That means I have to be very conscientious of my BMR and RMR once I reach my mid-life goal weight of 112.0 pounds. My grace is only 0.2 pounds. Ha! But, with my renewed love affair with exercise, I can always, as Loyd would say, Totally redeem myself! by adding a few minutes or whatever to my routine if I decide to indulge in poisonous food like sugary stuff.
Speaking of exercise. I bought 3 exercise bands for $20 at Target today (where I also bumped into my 6th grade teacher whom I loved, and still do. Ah! She looks great! Absolutely glows!). Anyway, the set has a small one to circle both ankles and work inner/outer thighs. It has a medium length two-hand band that works well behind the back vertically or in front horizontally on arms and shoulders and chest. And, it has a long two-hand or hand-to-foot band that works arms and core as well. I'm so excited! I'm like the coffee warehouse guy in the USPS commercial who should switch to decaf. And all I've had today is water to drink. Yipe! I'm addicted ^_^
I wish it hadn't started raining right after I got home or I'd be on the deck blasting 80's music and trying them out leg-warmer style :(
Oh well, home gym it is. Inside. Kinda dreery. Too quiet even with music. Thunder. Skies' stomach is growling. Lights seem harsh. No flowers in here. But home gym it is. :P Kidding. It's okay. I can move furniture and use the living room. Ooooooo! I'll watch Burlesque!!!!!
Daddy
I've waited a long long time
To tell him
What I really wanted say.
Now, as time is drawin' nearer
To The Judgement Day,
O Lawd, I'm-a-ready,
Is there yet time left with him?
O, won't You please help me tell my
Daddy Lawd:
I'll remember him as...
Makin' faces, monkey faces,
Pullin' on my ears.
Ridin high up' Daddy's shoulders
Whenever he was here.
O, There was som'in special
About the way
We would laugh and play.
And, whenever he was home
I would forget
He was rarely here.
Ridin' pushups, Army pushups,
Swingin side-to-side.
Muffled giggles,
Tickle Monster;
Scoop me off the floor.
Ho, There was som'in special
About the way
We would laugh and play.
But.
Whenever he was gone
I could forget
He was ever here.
He's all I ever wanted,
No flowers, gifts or money.
He's all I ever really had,
Even times when he was here.
U-huh-u-uh...
Silent screamin,
Mental breakdown,
Sendin' me away.
Turnin' from me,
Rarely want me,
Unless he need'n a friend.
Ho-oh
There wadn't nuttin special
About the way
I would cry and pray!
No-oh!
There ain't nuttin' special
About the way
I still cry and pray!
And, whenever I'm alone
I bow in pain,
'Cuz he had grief-filled lonesome years.
I thought he must not love me,
'Til I knew of his innocence;
He never knew his Daddy's love
He was raised in
An orphanage...
Unanswered longing,
Self-indulging,
He couldn't find his way.
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm
So he joined the Army,
Started a fam'ly;
He gave us things for loves exchange
There ain't nuttin special
About the way
I still cryand pray!
Woa.
But.
Now, whenever I'm alone,
I still lament,
He. Never. Knew. How. To. Be
Here.
I love you Daddy...
To tell him
What I really wanted say.
Now, as time is drawin' nearer
To The Judgement Day,
O Lawd, I'm-a-ready,
Is there yet time left with him?
O, won't You please help me tell my
Daddy Lawd:
I'll remember him as...
Makin' faces, monkey faces,
Pullin' on my ears.
Ridin high up' Daddy's shoulders
Whenever he was here.
O, There was som'in special
About the way
We would laugh and play.
And, whenever he was home
I would forget
He was rarely here.
Ridin' pushups, Army pushups,
Swingin side-to-side.
Muffled giggles,
Tickle Monster;
Scoop me off the floor.
Ho, There was som'in special
About the way
We would laugh and play.
But.
Whenever he was gone
I could forget
He was ever here.
He's all I ever wanted,
No flowers, gifts or money.
He's all I ever really had,
Even times when he was here.
U-huh-u-uh...
Silent screamin,
Mental breakdown,
Sendin' me away.
Turnin' from me,
Rarely want me,
Unless he need'n a friend.
Ho-oh
There wadn't nuttin special
About the way
I would cry and pray!
No-oh!
There ain't nuttin' special
About the way
I still cry and pray!
And, whenever I'm alone
I bow in pain,
'Cuz he had grief-filled lonesome years.
I thought he must not love me,
'Til I knew of his innocence;
He never knew his Daddy's love
He was raised in
An orphanage...
Unanswered longing,
Self-indulging,
He couldn't find his way.
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm
So he joined the Army,
Started a fam'ly;
He gave us things for loves exchange
There ain't nuttin special
About the way
I still cryand pray!
Woa.
But.
Now, whenever I'm alone,
I still lament,
He. Never. Knew. How. To. Be
Here.
I love you Daddy...
Icky Sickly
My chest and throat are on fire, my right nostril is dammed while the left is leaking, my tummy hates everything I serve and sends it all back, my epiglottis is trying to fly away and fanning the flames of the throat fire which then causes the chest fire to surge. It's all making my brain, my main office, scramble and try to keep up which is causing IT to be in an uproar.
All because of some neon yellow and Dijon mustard yellow-brown colored ooze that even the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wouldn't go near. I want my body back :P
Even my jokes are dumb today :)
All because of some neon yellow and Dijon mustard yellow-brown colored ooze that even the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wouldn't go near. I want my body back :P
Even my jokes are dumb today :)
Friday, April 6, 2012
Adopted Sister
I was planned
She was not
I was planned
She planned my disappearance
I was wanted
She was not
I was wanted
She wanted me dead
I was born "different"
She was not
I was "fragile"
She tried to break me
I loved her
She loved me not
I spoke for her
She mocked me oft'
I trusted her
She led me wrong
I looked for her
She was long gone
I love her
She is lost
I love her
Love is not enough
She was not
I was planned
She planned my disappearance
I was wanted
She was not
I was wanted
She wanted me dead
I was born "different"
She was not
I was "fragile"
She tried to break me
I loved her
She loved me not
I spoke for her
She mocked me oft'
I trusted her
She led me wrong
I looked for her
She was long gone
I love her
She is lost
I love her
Love is not enough
The Power Of Prayer
Prayer groups and prayer chains. My truest friend, the one who stuck in the biblical sense, included me in hers once and my life has been blessed ever since. That was well over ten years ago; we were children, yet she had the grace and mercy and wisdom to do something so simple and simply the best.
I was in a "residential facility for at-risk teens" (politically correct term for group home, which was like a minimum security prison for the mentally or emotionally or behaviorally ill altogether in one cluster) for two and a half years. I cried myself to sleep nights. The food was expired, donated, cheap and my weight skyrocketed from 102 to 212 in a matter of months. The IMHF (Intensive Medical Health Unit) is the first two weeks of your stay. It's also where you were sequestered if you disobeyed or refused to eat the plates filled with garbage they tried to pass as nutrition. It was a small ten by ten foot room of stainless steel walls; so there was an eerie reflective quality to it. The floor was a cold, cheap, off-white tile, with brown speckle paint patterned on it. The ceiling was polished metal; so it was like looking into a funhouse mirror; not conducive to mental stability or serenity. There was a twin size block of wood in the center of the room with a 6" mattress, a thin pillow, sheets and a cotton knit blanket that did precious little to keep out the cold that seemed to permeate from every corner of the room. You wore sweats and socks and underwear only during those periods. You were watched at all times, including the bathroom. I'd rather not go into any more detail; it's a time I'd like to leave behind.
Later, you lived in a room with up to 5 other girls; a staff member sat at the door at all times. You had to ask permission to use the bathroom at all times and they stood outside the door and listened closely. You were not permitted to sit up in bed. You were not permitted to talk in bed. I cried myself to sleep quietly at night as I stared out the window I was lucky to sleep next to.
I was being punished for being sick. I was being punished for being scared. I was being punished for being abused. I was getting worse each moment that went by, not better.
One day, I got a letter. It was a card. A Hallmark card. An expensive Hallmark card. A huge expensive Hallmark card. It wasn't a holiday week, or my birthday week. I didn't recognize the handwriting or the return address.
I opened it up carefully, slowly, biting my lower lip and curling my toes to keep from tearing it open.
It was a beautiful card, with flowers, and glitter! I didn't know it yet, but I was crying. And smiling a wobbly smile.
I opened the card and saw that it was completely written on from corner to corner, top to bottom, side to side, with a letter from a stranger. My first reaction was alarm, but I read it anyway. I'm so glad that I did. The words were sacred. Are sacred. A woman who'd never met me, never heard of me before, had recently heard of my folly and predicament and wanted me to know I had a circle of prayer and friends surrounding me with love on the outside (in the outside world).
This woman, who was no better off in life than my own family, was taking time out of her life, away from her family and friends, spending her hard-earned funds. For me.
As the weeks, months, and years progressed, I got better. Not because the "program" was successful. But, I Was getting better because I had love and life to look forward to. There was some unknown wonder of "community" out there in the world just waiting for me to join in and share in and contribute to. I had purpose. I wasn't just in everyone's way, or hindering progress and success, or waisting space and resources. I could do for someone else what these women had done for me.
My empty little corner was now cozy, with cards tacked to the bulletin board, letters folded and stacked up like books, and wonder of all wonders: Precious Moments figurines that I Knew cost a fortune adorned my dresser smiling down on me sympathetically and knowingly, sharing in my pain and needs and brokenness. And, a special bear that kept me from crying myself to sleep at night: a Burden Bear. All I had to do was silently pray and list my burdens and the bear would help messenger them to God for me and keep the tears at bay. The bear would hold onto my burdens for me in the meantime.
I eventually discovered the name of the friend who stuck closer to me than any other. She's my truest friend to this day. I owe her my life. I would never have made it out of that place alive without her and her compassion in adding me to the names on her chains prayer list.
I can never repay her for my life. I only hope my life is worthy in God's eyes and makes not only Him proud, but her as well. Paying it forward is all we can do sometimes. She has been for many years already, leading the way. A road less travelled just got a little easier to follow. <3
I was in a "residential facility for at-risk teens" (politically correct term for group home, which was like a minimum security prison for the mentally or emotionally or behaviorally ill altogether in one cluster) for two and a half years. I cried myself to sleep nights. The food was expired, donated, cheap and my weight skyrocketed from 102 to 212 in a matter of months. The IMHF (Intensive Medical Health Unit) is the first two weeks of your stay. It's also where you were sequestered if you disobeyed or refused to eat the plates filled with garbage they tried to pass as nutrition. It was a small ten by ten foot room of stainless steel walls; so there was an eerie reflective quality to it. The floor was a cold, cheap, off-white tile, with brown speckle paint patterned on it. The ceiling was polished metal; so it was like looking into a funhouse mirror; not conducive to mental stability or serenity. There was a twin size block of wood in the center of the room with a 6" mattress, a thin pillow, sheets and a cotton knit blanket that did precious little to keep out the cold that seemed to permeate from every corner of the room. You wore sweats and socks and underwear only during those periods. You were watched at all times, including the bathroom. I'd rather not go into any more detail; it's a time I'd like to leave behind.
Later, you lived in a room with up to 5 other girls; a staff member sat at the door at all times. You had to ask permission to use the bathroom at all times and they stood outside the door and listened closely. You were not permitted to sit up in bed. You were not permitted to talk in bed. I cried myself to sleep quietly at night as I stared out the window I was lucky to sleep next to.
I was being punished for being sick. I was being punished for being scared. I was being punished for being abused. I was getting worse each moment that went by, not better.
One day, I got a letter. It was a card. A Hallmark card. An expensive Hallmark card. A huge expensive Hallmark card. It wasn't a holiday week, or my birthday week. I didn't recognize the handwriting or the return address.
I opened it up carefully, slowly, biting my lower lip and curling my toes to keep from tearing it open.
It was a beautiful card, with flowers, and glitter! I didn't know it yet, but I was crying. And smiling a wobbly smile.
I opened the card and saw that it was completely written on from corner to corner, top to bottom, side to side, with a letter from a stranger. My first reaction was alarm, but I read it anyway. I'm so glad that I did. The words were sacred. Are sacred. A woman who'd never met me, never heard of me before, had recently heard of my folly and predicament and wanted me to know I had a circle of prayer and friends surrounding me with love on the outside (in the outside world).
This woman, who was no better off in life than my own family, was taking time out of her life, away from her family and friends, spending her hard-earned funds. For me.
As the weeks, months, and years progressed, I got better. Not because the "program" was successful. But, I Was getting better because I had love and life to look forward to. There was some unknown wonder of "community" out there in the world just waiting for me to join in and share in and contribute to. I had purpose. I wasn't just in everyone's way, or hindering progress and success, or waisting space and resources. I could do for someone else what these women had done for me.
My empty little corner was now cozy, with cards tacked to the bulletin board, letters folded and stacked up like books, and wonder of all wonders: Precious Moments figurines that I Knew cost a fortune adorned my dresser smiling down on me sympathetically and knowingly, sharing in my pain and needs and brokenness. And, a special bear that kept me from crying myself to sleep at night: a Burden Bear. All I had to do was silently pray and list my burdens and the bear would help messenger them to God for me and keep the tears at bay. The bear would hold onto my burdens for me in the meantime.
I eventually discovered the name of the friend who stuck closer to me than any other. She's my truest friend to this day. I owe her my life. I would never have made it out of that place alive without her and her compassion in adding me to the names on her chains prayer list.
I can never repay her for my life. I only hope my life is worthy in God's eyes and makes not only Him proud, but her as well. Paying it forward is all we can do sometimes. She has been for many years already, leading the way. A road less travelled just got a little easier to follow. <3
Haunted
Ever feel haunted?
Boy I sure do these days.
I hear, I'm too sensitive, but there's no switch I can flip to shut it down.
Every time an innocent child, or an innocent adult even really, is killed by accident or mistake, and the weapon was a firearm I tend to succumb to a bout of "melancholia" if you will.
I know I'm not the only one. I know for others it's worse. Some have night terrors that they can't wake up from as easily as i can, and flashes of pain that lands them in the hospital most of the time whereas I can grit my teeth and talk myself down, like reverse hypnosis. Well, it's been 15 years; so I've had a Lot of practice and experience implementing it.
Anyway, an innocent boy was recently murdered. His story is well publicized and his name and face are in every store. I'm glad we haven't forgotten him. I'm glad we're demanding justice for him. I hope his family can find some peace and new purpose in life. I know we all ache for them.
Every time I hear his name, his story, see his face or see his name, I experience pain. It's only a fraction of what he experienced. My mind, however, reminds me how it feels to be shot... and what it's like to know you're about to die... to be looking at and feeling death... I start crying silently in public and have to find a semi-private place to compose myself.
An older friend calls it "Shell Shock" but I don't put a label on it.
It's like being haunted through ones helplessness in sympathy and empathy and a thirst for justice in this case. There's nothing I can do for him, but I can't get him out of my head.
If you've ever or do sometimes feel that/this way, I'm sorry. I hope you've found a way to live with it as well.
For now, I'm going to go hunt for some chocolate and put on an Abbot and Costello record - yes, I said record, and try to mellow out :/
Boy I sure do these days.
I hear, I'm too sensitive, but there's no switch I can flip to shut it down.
Every time an innocent child, or an innocent adult even really, is killed by accident or mistake, and the weapon was a firearm I tend to succumb to a bout of "melancholia" if you will.
I know I'm not the only one. I know for others it's worse. Some have night terrors that they can't wake up from as easily as i can, and flashes of pain that lands them in the hospital most of the time whereas I can grit my teeth and talk myself down, like reverse hypnosis. Well, it's been 15 years; so I've had a Lot of practice and experience implementing it.
Anyway, an innocent boy was recently murdered. His story is well publicized and his name and face are in every store. I'm glad we haven't forgotten him. I'm glad we're demanding justice for him. I hope his family can find some peace and new purpose in life. I know we all ache for them.
Every time I hear his name, his story, see his face or see his name, I experience pain. It's only a fraction of what he experienced. My mind, however, reminds me how it feels to be shot... and what it's like to know you're about to die... to be looking at and feeling death... I start crying silently in public and have to find a semi-private place to compose myself.
An older friend calls it "Shell Shock" but I don't put a label on it.
It's like being haunted through ones helplessness in sympathy and empathy and a thirst for justice in this case. There's nothing I can do for him, but I can't get him out of my head.
If you've ever or do sometimes feel that/this way, I'm sorry. I hope you've found a way to live with it as well.
For now, I'm going to go hunt for some chocolate and put on an Abbot and Costello record - yes, I said record, and try to mellow out :/
Day 20 Operation Waistline Deadline
Three weeks are up tomorrow!
Which means my scatterbrained should have a new habit formed: healthy living. (It takes the human brain 21 days to make or break a habit) Woohoo!
195.9 lbs
16.1 lbs crash-bang-boomed!
83.9 to badabing-badaboom!
My old - oops! I mean, of course! my oldER - brothers (silly me) ;) and I all like multiple genres of music courtesy our musically inclined Momma's genes and gifted soprano-harmonic voice. Which means, we love hip-hop and country equally. Strange but true. One of is even in the underground industry.
And, while I am in no way shape or form an aspiring rapper or hip-hopstress, I do like to have fun with it now and then just to goad my brother, the lyricist.
So, I was horsing around with him about my fat jokes (all about me, because that's how my fat rolls ^_^), and well, my dorkness had some fun and even got my brother to quirk a grin at the corner of his mouth as he shook his head and probably wondered what planet implanted my embryo to get me to a galaxy far far away :D
Ahem...
I'm fat, with no "Ph" balance
But rounded, with pounds of talent.
I thought that would make a great "Before" moniker. From "Fat to Phat" :D ??? No? Oh. Well phbthttt!
Anyway, I'm having fun aty own expense. I've been doing that ever since I realized it IS fun when I laugh at myself before anyone else can when I trip up the third floor stairs to math class and split my denim skirt up the side and my friends come tumbling after. Oh yeah. That happened. A lot. And thank the Lord for safety pins. And send back the glow in the dark underthings (what was I thinking! VW's and daisies that's what. Dumb-dumb). Anyway. I pretended I found a penny heads-up so it would all be worth it once my good luck ship came in. Um, believe it or not, that has yet to happen... Anyway, as I grew INTO klutzy over the years, it's been a butterscotch lifesaver in diffusing tension. Cry vs joke? I'd rather joke.
Anyway, it's not counter-productive. It's medicinal. I feel Less embarrassed, people are Less uncomfortable and More receptive to helping me up, I move on Faster, I dwell on it Less, and I get a good laugh which should lengthen my life a minute or two :) Who doesn't love THAT!
So, I laugh at the fat. It helps me put it in perspective. It diminishes the fat, making it less intimidating. It takes the power from the problem and puts the power in OVERpowering the problem.
The journey doesn't have to be painful. Pain and feeding the pain is what Caused the problem.
The journey should be fun, leaving little to no room for bitterness, pain, negativity and backward thinking.
For years I laughed and smiled because I thought if I did, eventually I'd feel like laughing and smiling. It usually worked. Now I don't think or obsess over it. I do it. I'm like Mike :P So I guess Nike is my homegirl (she is a girl right? Ugh I don't do mythology much) :) and mascot a li'l.
Okay, back to the napkin to see if my muse has any other brainiac ideas of hip-hop-flops for me to embarrass myself with ^_^
Ttfn ta-ta-for-now!
Which means my scatterbrained should have a new habit formed: healthy living. (It takes the human brain 21 days to make or break a habit) Woohoo!
195.9 lbs
16.1 lbs crash-bang-boomed!
83.9 to badabing-badaboom!
My old - oops! I mean, of course! my oldER - brothers (silly me) ;) and I all like multiple genres of music courtesy our musically inclined Momma's genes and gifted soprano-harmonic voice. Which means, we love hip-hop and country equally. Strange but true. One of is even in the underground industry.
And, while I am in no way shape or form an aspiring rapper or hip-hopstress, I do like to have fun with it now and then just to goad my brother, the lyricist.
So, I was horsing around with him about my fat jokes (all about me, because that's how my fat rolls ^_^), and well, my dorkness had some fun and even got my brother to quirk a grin at the corner of his mouth as he shook his head and probably wondered what planet implanted my embryo to get me to a galaxy far far away :D
Ahem...
I'm fat, with no "Ph" balance
But rounded, with pounds of talent.
I thought that would make a great "Before" moniker. From "Fat to Phat" :D ??? No? Oh. Well phbthttt!
Anyway, I'm having fun aty own expense. I've been doing that ever since I realized it IS fun when I laugh at myself before anyone else can when I trip up the third floor stairs to math class and split my denim skirt up the side and my friends come tumbling after. Oh yeah. That happened. A lot. And thank the Lord for safety pins. And send back the glow in the dark underthings (what was I thinking! VW's and daisies that's what. Dumb-dumb). Anyway. I pretended I found a penny heads-up so it would all be worth it once my good luck ship came in. Um, believe it or not, that has yet to happen... Anyway, as I grew INTO klutzy over the years, it's been a butterscotch lifesaver in diffusing tension. Cry vs joke? I'd rather joke.
Anyway, it's not counter-productive. It's medicinal. I feel Less embarrassed, people are Less uncomfortable and More receptive to helping me up, I move on Faster, I dwell on it Less, and I get a good laugh which should lengthen my life a minute or two :) Who doesn't love THAT!
So, I laugh at the fat. It helps me put it in perspective. It diminishes the fat, making it less intimidating. It takes the power from the problem and puts the power in OVERpowering the problem.
The journey doesn't have to be painful. Pain and feeding the pain is what Caused the problem.
The journey should be fun, leaving little to no room for bitterness, pain, negativity and backward thinking.
For years I laughed and smiled because I thought if I did, eventually I'd feel like laughing and smiling. It usually worked. Now I don't think or obsess over it. I do it. I'm like Mike :P So I guess Nike is my homegirl (she is a girl right? Ugh I don't do mythology much) :) and mascot a li'l.
Okay, back to the napkin to see if my muse has any other brainiac ideas of hip-hop-flops for me to embarrass myself with ^_^
Ttfn ta-ta-for-now!
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Day 19 Operation Waistline Deadline
196.3 lbs
15.7 lbs ko'd
84.3 lbs to smear
Highest Weight 212 lbs
Goal Weight 112 lbs
I'm down with the crud. Jury's out as to wether it's severe allergies or a virus. All I know is, I'm sanitizing what I touch, and wearing gloves and a mask to clean a house today not for my benefit, but for theirs.
Why am I cleaning a house when I feel ill? I'm a glutton for punishment? Masochistic? Maybe a li'l. What I really am is happy to leave my house, get some lively interaction even if it is with a cute li'l bulldog instead of a person, and I love exercise (and I can use his surround sound to blast my 80's dance/workout tracks while I clean). Maybe I Should have an EEG done on my head again...? Nah!
Anyway, 135 days til my b-day and I'm right on track to being Mom's-camera-crazy-ready and my-big-brother-Chuck's-obnoxious-and-has-impeccably-terrible-timing-with-snapping-photos-ready along with all-of-my-men(stepDad Verlin, 4 step brothers and 1 brother who'll be here)-are-pranksters-and-will-no-doubt-sabotage-photo-ops-ready :D
I think I need one of those flasks from Baglady Boutique and a helmet and a little pink tazer ;)
15.7 lbs ko'd
84.3 lbs to smear
Highest Weight 212 lbs
Goal Weight 112 lbs
I'm down with the crud. Jury's out as to wether it's severe allergies or a virus. All I know is, I'm sanitizing what I touch, and wearing gloves and a mask to clean a house today not for my benefit, but for theirs.
Why am I cleaning a house when I feel ill? I'm a glutton for punishment? Masochistic? Maybe a li'l. What I really am is happy to leave my house, get some lively interaction even if it is with a cute li'l bulldog instead of a person, and I love exercise (and I can use his surround sound to blast my 80's dance/workout tracks while I clean). Maybe I Should have an EEG done on my head again...? Nah!
Anyway, 135 days til my b-day and I'm right on track to being Mom's-camera-crazy-ready and my-big-brother-Chuck's-obnoxious-and-has-impeccably-terrible-timing-with-snapping-photos-ready along with all-of-my-men(stepDad Verlin, 4 step brothers and 1 brother who'll be here)-are-pranksters-and-will-no-doubt-sabotage-photo-ops-ready :D
I think I need one of those flasks from Baglady Boutique and a helmet and a little pink tazer ;)
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Incredible Sword Incredible Weapon
My voice, my words are my sword, my weapon.
My story, my truth are my shield.
My virtues are my armor.
My guardian angel is my army, God's army.
My fight? The demons in my past which I battle back constantly. The war rages on, but I'm winning the battles now.
I've spent the last fifteen plus years fighting, and I will not go quietly into the night nor will I bow down to the devil dogs that terrorized a child.
I have the power of knowledge, the strength of numbers, and the peace that surpasses all understanding. He and his hellions cannot defeat me now. They may hurt me, I may stumble. But I will not fall.
I will go through and through and through the fire. I will be forged and reforged and reforged into an incredible sword, an incredible weapon that can cut through anything, that can make it.
My story is long, beautifully tragic.But it has a great Hollywood-can't-touch-it ending.
My story, my truth are my shield.
My virtues are my armor.
My guardian angel is my army, God's army.
My fight? The demons in my past which I battle back constantly. The war rages on, but I'm winning the battles now.
I've spent the last fifteen plus years fighting, and I will not go quietly into the night nor will I bow down to the devil dogs that terrorized a child.
I have the power of knowledge, the strength of numbers, and the peace that surpasses all understanding. He and his hellions cannot defeat me now. They may hurt me, I may stumble. But I will not fall.
I will go through and through and through the fire. I will be forged and reforged and reforged into an incredible sword, an incredible weapon that can cut through anything, that can make it.
My story is long, beautifully tragic.But it has a great Hollywood-can't-touch-it ending.
My Cousin The Thief
A little girl playing on a farm,
No one around to do her any harm.
She'll laugh and play. Fun-filled days,
An innocent spirit of come-what-mays.
And, there! she sits cross-legged, all smiles
Amid frolicking cats, and dogs, and kittens. All the while
a danger, a familiar stranger, stranger now becomes;
And, oblivious, into the house she comes.
She's just a little girl playing on a farm,
No one around to do her any harm.
She'll laugh and play. Fun-filled days,
An innocent spirit of come-what-mays.
She's in the house so bright and cheery!
She did not see a monster leering.
And in her room she's blissful, cornered.
In comes danger, who from her innocence, has just torn her
Away.
She was just a little girl playing on a farm.
No one around would do her any harm.
She laughed and played. Fun-filled days,
A once innocent spirit of come-what-mays.
And now she sits atop the steps,
Her bags all packed, spine rigid, eyes set.
No smile on her lips appears
As she squints to fight back tears.
2 years will pass before the day
She finds the words, the courage to SAY.
But no on believes; so she starts crying
And so begin her thoughts of dying.
As 2 more years went slowly by
Her steely will said she must die.
For no one helped, cared, or believed
Her innocence was stolen, lost, deceived.
"I was just a little girl playing on a farm.
Someone was set, bound to do me harm.
He watched, he schemed, he stalked his prey
And stole my smile, my laugh, my innocence that day."
This was her note.
This was all she wrote.
It lay beside her on her bed.
A little girl lost, damaged, dead.
No one around to do her any harm.
She'll laugh and play. Fun-filled days,
An innocent spirit of come-what-mays.
And, there! she sits cross-legged, all smiles
Amid frolicking cats, and dogs, and kittens. All the while
a danger, a familiar stranger, stranger now becomes;
And, oblivious, into the house she comes.
She's just a little girl playing on a farm,
No one around to do her any harm.
She'll laugh and play. Fun-filled days,
An innocent spirit of come-what-mays.
She's in the house so bright and cheery!
She did not see a monster leering.
And in her room she's blissful, cornered.
In comes danger, who from her innocence, has just torn her
Away.
She was just a little girl playing on a farm.
No one around would do her any harm.
She laughed and played. Fun-filled days,
A once innocent spirit of come-what-mays.
And now she sits atop the steps,
Her bags all packed, spine rigid, eyes set.
No smile on her lips appears
As she squints to fight back tears.
2 years will pass before the day
She finds the words, the courage to SAY.
But no on believes; so she starts crying
And so begin her thoughts of dying.
As 2 more years went slowly by
Her steely will said she must die.
For no one helped, cared, or believed
Her innocence was stolen, lost, deceived.
"I was just a little girl playing on a farm.
Someone was set, bound to do me harm.
He watched, he schemed, he stalked his prey
And stole my smile, my laugh, my innocence that day."
This was her note.
This was all she wrote.
It lay beside her on her bed.
A little girl lost, damaged, dead.
Jeff Beasley & Jason Blum
I did not sit atop a wall
But from grace I did fall
My death foreboding, swiftly losing life
You zig-zagged through streets not wasting any time
With help of present in kinsmen trade
You reached my side, this life to save
In moments time, barely a blink
You assessed, for under duress you must clearly think
You did all that was necessary
Thou my cries, no doubt, made you weary
And as one soothed, and coaxed and kept a pace
The other, against time, deftly maintained the race
You could have, to my cries to stop the pain
Given in, given up, but you maintained
Because you fought, and raced, and fought again
A little girl's life lost, was miraculously sustained
Thank-you
But from grace I did fall
My death foreboding, swiftly losing life
You zig-zagged through streets not wasting any time
With help of present in kinsmen trade
You reached my side, this life to save
In moments time, barely a blink
You assessed, for under duress you must clearly think
You did all that was necessary
Thou my cries, no doubt, made you weary
And as one soothed, and coaxed and kept a pace
The other, against time, deftly maintained the race
You could have, to my cries to stop the pain
Given in, given up, but you maintained
Because you fought, and raced, and fought again
A little girl's life lost, was miraculously sustained
Thank-you
SFD Station 9
I didn't sit atop a wall
But from grace I did fall
The first on scene, your men worked fast
You asked, assessed, stepped-in to task
Relieving tired neighbors of their charge
You aided, determined to staunch my life-force discharge
Pushing back the curious throng
You searched around for the thing so wrong
You did all the work 'til help arrived
Because you could and did, a little girl survived.
Thank-you
But from grace I did fall
The first on scene, your men worked fast
You asked, assessed, stepped-in to task
Relieving tired neighbors of their charge
You aided, determined to staunch my life-force discharge
Pushing back the curious throng
You searched around for the thing so wrong
You did all the work 'til help arrived
Because you could and did, a little girl survived.
Thank-you
Lt Vance Holland and SPD
I didn't sit atop a wall
But from grace I did fall
Brave legends of The West
Blindly surged with gun, cuffs and vest
At a site no man should see
You worked by might, both veteran and rookie
Swiftly you performed your service
Neither your strength nor Your pain did go unnoticed
There were eyes, and ears and idle tongue
And you protected me from every one
You made it clear, the medics way
So they could work, my life to save
Had you been late or not arrived
A little girl might not have survived
Thank-you
But from grace I did fall
Brave legends of The West
Blindly surged with gun, cuffs and vest
At a site no man should see
You worked by might, both veteran and rookie
Swiftly you performed your service
Neither your strength nor Your pain did go unnoticed
There were eyes, and ears and idle tongue
And you protected me from every one
You made it clear, the medics way
So they could work, my life to save
Had you been late or not arrived
A little girl might not have survived
Thank-you
Dr John Steinberg & Dr Rodney Quinn
I did not sit atop a wall
But from grace I did fall
Your kinsmen with their horsepow'r came
They rallied round, my life sustained
And while they ate up earth to thee
You gathered all you had for me
Then when they brought me to your table
9 hours you did all that you were able
My life and limb seemed so oft' to fail
That efforts would be to no avail
But never did you give up hope
And life seemed spared but by a mote
Minutes, hours, days went by
And for you both more work came nigh
You gave up days of your own lives
Because you did a little girl survived
Thank-you
But from grace I did fall
Your kinsmen with their horsepow'r came
They rallied round, my life sustained
And while they ate up earth to thee
You gathered all you had for me
Then when they brought me to your table
9 hours you did all that you were able
My life and limb seemed so oft' to fail
That efforts would be to no avail
But never did you give up hope
And life seemed spared but by a mote
Minutes, hours, days went by
And for you both more work came nigh
You gave up days of your own lives
Because you did a little girl survived
Thank-you
Monday, April 2, 2012
Chocolate Makes My Bluejeans Shrink
Chocolate Makes My BlueJeans Shrink
-Charity Dow
I told him, I'm going out with my girlfriends
Candy House Chocolates by Richardson's
Lord have mercy, I could only think
Was Chocolate makes my bluejeans shrink.
I'd better put a longer t-shirt on
I know what happens when I eat Bon-bons
My hems are missin', all my zippers kinked
'Cause chocolate makes my bluejeans shrink
It starts with slippin' into a stall
Loos'nin my belt a couple holes
Pull my t-shirt down past my drawers
Pop a button down the toi-- sink
My lipstick line and shade'll smudge
If the chocolateer's offer sample-fudge
I'm gonna come home with a stomach-ache
Oh yeah, chocolate makes my blue jeans shrink
I can handle any buffet lunch
Family pot-lucks and office munch
Silver Dollar City and all their treats
But. Chocolate makes my blue jeans shrink
No saboteur, of my friends,
I'm not the only one
Come mornin' we'll ALL say
Agh! What have I done???
The scale number's gonna make me blink
Oh, how chocolate makes my blue jeans shrink!
Chocolate makes my stretchy flares shrink!
Chocolate makes my fat jeans shrink!
Honey, where're my Ferrero Rocher?...
-Charity Dow
I told him, I'm going out with my girlfriends
Candy House Chocolates by Richardson's
Lord have mercy, I could only think
Was Chocolate makes my bluejeans shrink.
I'd better put a longer t-shirt on
I know what happens when I eat Bon-bons
My hems are missin', all my zippers kinked
'Cause chocolate makes my bluejeans shrink
It starts with slippin' into a stall
Loos'nin my belt a couple holes
Pull my t-shirt down past my drawers
Pop a button down the toi-- sink
My lipstick line and shade'll smudge
If the chocolateer's offer sample-fudge
I'm gonna come home with a stomach-ache
Oh yeah, chocolate makes my blue jeans shrink
I can handle any buffet lunch
Family pot-lucks and office munch
Silver Dollar City and all their treats
But. Chocolate makes my blue jeans shrink
No saboteur, of my friends,
I'm not the only one
Come mornin' we'll ALL say
Agh! What have I done???
The scale number's gonna make me blink
Oh, how chocolate makes my blue jeans shrink!
Chocolate makes my stretchy flares shrink!
Chocolate makes my fat jeans shrink!
Honey, where're my Ferrero Rocher?...
Swear Pig
I started a swear jar. Well, it's a purple pig with a tiara and sparkly tule veil, but it works.
But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation. James 5:12
I got that from my Spring/Summer read, "Boundaries: when to say Yes how to say No to take control of your life"
Some pages reference 3 Bible verses, others more than 15. So, the seemingly simple 16 chapters are going to stretch across two seasons for me. :)
Any way, when Jesus' brother warns, I try to take it to heart; so I'm paying $1 to the oinker princess every time I use an oath.
My Momma and get Grandma Chalfant would be disappointed in me if I were to regress at this stage in life. I love my Momma.
And, l have a vocabulary sufficient to our vernacular. I can express my thoughts and emotions simply, without a default expletive to conceal a lapse in cognition.
I affirm my commitment to, and do not swear to, a clean vocabulary that my Momma would not be tempted to attack with the soap bar...
But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation. James 5:12
I got that from my Spring/Summer read, "Boundaries: when to say Yes how to say No to take control of your life"
Some pages reference 3 Bible verses, others more than 15. So, the seemingly simple 16 chapters are going to stretch across two seasons for me. :)
Any way, when Jesus' brother warns, I try to take it to heart; so I'm paying $1 to the oinker princess every time I use an oath.
My Momma and get Grandma Chalfant would be disappointed in me if I were to regress at this stage in life. I love my Momma.
And, l have a vocabulary sufficient to our vernacular. I can express my thoughts and emotions simply, without a default expletive to conceal a lapse in cognition.
I affirm my commitment to, and do not swear to, a clean vocabulary that my Momma would not be tempted to attack with the soap bar...
Day 16 Operation Waistline Deadline
198.0 lbs
15 steps forward, 3 steps back, and 2 steps forward. Reads like, my big brother, Chuck's version of Red Light Green Light. Twisted hilarity.
87 pounds to go
138 days to go
I'm quite under the weather today, but thanks in part to modern medicine, a spoonful of sugary DNA from my Momma, and a pretty day, I don't care that I'm imitating Old Faithful today. I'm too happy to be saddy. So harrumph and zippiddy doo dah!
I lost a few crucial days of weight loss, which pushes the average daily loss necessity to 0.7 ish pounds list per day if I'm to reach 112 by my birthday. So, I might be adjusting my deadline for reality-sake to Halloween. That gives me a weekend, holiday, celebrations and a depression-slump-of-the-cycle buffer that is much more realistic than a competitive game similar to that of The Biggest Loser where they have oodles of doctors on hand monitoring, trainers at arms length barking, staff nearby in case of emergency and crew constantly gawking and maintaining the pressure. I've got me :D occasionally family, and less occasionally friends with me watching and cheering my every move in-person. Hm, I think I should ease up on the pressure juuuuuust a tad :P
After this morning's debacle, I realize that I am but human :) at least 20% of the time anyway.
I'd have to exercise in excess of 100 calories, meaning I'd have to burn off ALL of my consumed calories for the day PLUS and additional 100 calories, every single day until August 18th to reach my goal if I want to be 112 by the 19th of August. Yeah not gonna happen unless by some miracle Dr Oz shows up with Richard Simmons and Major Payne to whip me into shape on a daily basis from here on in. Ain't gonna happen. Time to Stop. Rewind! Remix. And reconfigure. Again :) oh, I love life :P
15 steps forward, 3 steps back, and 2 steps forward. Reads like, my big brother, Chuck's version of Red Light Green Light. Twisted hilarity.
87 pounds to go
138 days to go
I'm quite under the weather today, but thanks in part to modern medicine, a spoonful of sugary DNA from my Momma, and a pretty day, I don't care that I'm imitating Old Faithful today. I'm too happy to be saddy. So harrumph and zippiddy doo dah!
I lost a few crucial days of weight loss, which pushes the average daily loss necessity to 0.7 ish pounds list per day if I'm to reach 112 by my birthday. So, I might be adjusting my deadline for reality-sake to Halloween. That gives me a weekend, holiday, celebrations and a depression-slump-of-the-cycle buffer that is much more realistic than a competitive game similar to that of The Biggest Loser where they have oodles of doctors on hand monitoring, trainers at arms length barking, staff nearby in case of emergency and crew constantly gawking and maintaining the pressure. I've got me :D occasionally family, and less occasionally friends with me watching and cheering my every move in-person. Hm, I think I should ease up on the pressure juuuuuust a tad :P
After this morning's debacle, I realize that I am but human :) at least 20% of the time anyway.
I'd have to exercise in excess of 100 calories, meaning I'd have to burn off ALL of my consumed calories for the day PLUS and additional 100 calories, every single day until August 18th to reach my goal if I want to be 112 by the 19th of August. Yeah not gonna happen unless by some miracle Dr Oz shows up with Richard Simmons and Major Payne to whip me into shape on a daily basis from here on in. Ain't gonna happen. Time to Stop. Rewind! Remix. And reconfigure. Again :) oh, I love life :P
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Day 15 Operation Waistline Deadline
15 steps forward 3 steps back...
199.8 lbs, thanks to one early b-day celebratory dinner for Verlin, with cake. But, no complaints or excuses. That's still 12 steps forward in 15 days.
What you eat in private will appear in public.
So, this week, I'm counting on my Personal Trainer/Life Coach/Cheer Captain to make His presence known and to knock me on my butt when I need it :P
I have all the resources I need at home, no excuses anywhere I look or go in this world, and thanks to Shakespeare I have a new quotes to add to my nerdy flash card collection :P
Strong reasons make strong actions. - King Johm, act III, sc 4
Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't. - Hamlet, act II, sc 2
How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees? - Orhello, act II, sc 3
The miserable have no other medicine, but only hope. - Measure For Measure, act III, sc 1
Self-love..,is not so vile a sin as self-neglecting. - Henry V, act II, sc 4
Pleasure and action make the hours seem short. - Othello, act II, sc 3
But screw your courage to the sticking place, and we'll not fail. - Macbeth, act I, sc 7
We know what we are, but know not what we may be. - Measure For Measure, act IV, sc 5
Cast' all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1 Peter 5:7
Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss... James 4:3a
...The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16b
I sure hope I get this all right! :P :)
I just checked my email from my psychiatrist... The new meds that I'm on are unforgiving and fragile. I have to walk a fine and very straight line of nutrition for the foreseeable future, at least until that fateful day of remission (it's on the 10-year plan :D ). My gallbladder already went kaputt, and my kidneys are in jeopardy. As much as I joke about things that are The Pits, I really am scared and don't want to take a single chance with my kidneys. I've seen what kidney failure can do to a person and their family... So my reasons have gone from part-health and mostly-vanity, to partly vanity but almost entirely health. I've come too far, survived too much to let something as tiny as a couple of kidneys kill me and leave my closest family with a gaping wound (because they fought right along side me and suffer against the intangible demon when I do too)
So. Happy thoughts. We are what occupies our thoughts most of the time. So, happy thoughts. Healthy, happy thoughts.
Now, I go into battle mode. I'm the researcher in the family. Nancy Drew meets Velma, I suppose because I'm old-fashioned and practically blind :P
I have to make a lifestyle change that meets my health needs, matches my habits to a point - unless I must change a habit for the good, is within my budget, is easy enough to follow that I don't crash and burn after having to devote half my day to tedium, and uses things I like.
1. Meets health requirements
2. Matches my habits and preferences/likes
3. Budget-friendly
4. Simple to schedule and adhere to
Okeedokee, a No gallbladder-weak kidneys-can't cook without supervision and a fire extinguisher handy-is a picky eater-scatterbrained friendly menu and plan of action, comin right up!
Oy! My brain already hurts... :)
199.8 lbs, thanks to one early b-day celebratory dinner for Verlin, with cake. But, no complaints or excuses. That's still 12 steps forward in 15 days.
What you eat in private will appear in public.
So, this week, I'm counting on my Personal Trainer/Life Coach/Cheer Captain to make His presence known and to knock me on my butt when I need it :P
I have all the resources I need at home, no excuses anywhere I look or go in this world, and thanks to Shakespeare I have a new quotes to add to my nerdy flash card collection :P
Strong reasons make strong actions. - King Johm, act III, sc 4
Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't. - Hamlet, act II, sc 2
How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees? - Orhello, act II, sc 3
The miserable have no other medicine, but only hope. - Measure For Measure, act III, sc 1
Self-love..,is not so vile a sin as self-neglecting. - Henry V, act II, sc 4
Pleasure and action make the hours seem short. - Othello, act II, sc 3
But screw your courage to the sticking place, and we'll not fail. - Macbeth, act I, sc 7
We know what we are, but know not what we may be. - Measure For Measure, act IV, sc 5
Cast' all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1 Peter 5:7
Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss... James 4:3a
...The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16b
I sure hope I get this all right! :P :)
I just checked my email from my psychiatrist... The new meds that I'm on are unforgiving and fragile. I have to walk a fine and very straight line of nutrition for the foreseeable future, at least until that fateful day of remission (it's on the 10-year plan :D ). My gallbladder already went kaputt, and my kidneys are in jeopardy. As much as I joke about things that are The Pits, I really am scared and don't want to take a single chance with my kidneys. I've seen what kidney failure can do to a person and their family... So my reasons have gone from part-health and mostly-vanity, to partly vanity but almost entirely health. I've come too far, survived too much to let something as tiny as a couple of kidneys kill me and leave my closest family with a gaping wound (because they fought right along side me and suffer against the intangible demon when I do too)
So. Happy thoughts. We are what occupies our thoughts most of the time. So, happy thoughts. Healthy, happy thoughts.
Now, I go into battle mode. I'm the researcher in the family. Nancy Drew meets Velma, I suppose because I'm old-fashioned and practically blind :P
I have to make a lifestyle change that meets my health needs, matches my habits to a point - unless I must change a habit for the good, is within my budget, is easy enough to follow that I don't crash and burn after having to devote half my day to tedium, and uses things I like.
1. Meets health requirements
2. Matches my habits and preferences/likes
3. Budget-friendly
4. Simple to schedule and adhere to
Okeedokee, a No gallbladder-weak kidneys-can't cook without supervision and a fire extinguisher handy-is a picky eater-scatterbrained friendly menu and plan of action, comin right up!
Oy! My brain already hurts... :)
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