Ups and Downs

It occurs to me that ups in my mood and depressive moods leave me quiet.
I've been at both ends of the scale this past month. Granted, mostly the lower.
I've reconnected with a childhood friend. And, I do mean connected. In person. That's a rare joy for me.
My agoraphobia gets in the way of living; so having 2 friends to actually spend time with away from the sanctuary of my home is beyond epic.
I still feel anxious, but I know that I'm safe with them...
I'm on a new med, Abilify. It's helping. I had a close call with Seratonin Syndrome; so it's been a Godsend. I'm not getting frontal lobe headaches, nor am I getting dizzy when I stand up from a sitting or crouched position. I also find it easier to DO. I was feeling ambivalent or indifferent to change or move forward. Now, I actively seek change and activity. I'm still "hiding" behind the net, socializing in cyber space, but I'm inching my way closer to really living.
Two friends in 2 years 5 months? I can live with that. 2 true friends are better than a multitude of fair weather friends. Part of the pressure is on me; I have to BE a friend to keep friends.
I'm planning a night in with d girlfriends to reintegrate myself and as a sort of re-emergence celebration. I'm shaking off the burdens that I allowed to be dropped on me, and the burdens I grabbed and stacked on lime Gus-Gus (mouse in Disney Cinderella who had so much corn, it collapsed on him).
I'm also going to be visiting the library once a week as an outing/escape.
... So, I'm moving forward. I'm looking back less and less. I'm not hurt by my past quite as much. I still hurt, and certain memories bring a flash flood of emotion, but I'm learning to tough it out.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and I'm letting myself become forged by the fires into a sword by telling my story.
I'm hoping to get involved with the AFSP to do all I can to pay it forward, this renewed chance at life. If I can help just one person, my life will have had purpose and that purpose will have been met.
Hugs and Hopes,
Charity