3 magazines jumped out at me while buying a new journal at Barnes and Noble: Discover Magazine's The Brain, Time Magazine's Your Brain - A User's Guide, and an issue of Psychology Today.
I'm determined to learn as much as possible about The Enemy Within... I couldn't save my sister, but I can save myself and try to help others do the same.
Forensic Psychiatry is the only field that incorporates both Psychiatry and Genetics and Neurology, all of which are intertwined and affect us at our "Motherboard," our Brain.
The heart is like a battery to me and the brain the big circuit board that facilitates operations to our wiring and circuitry throughout our bodies, Nerves.
So, research time! I've already tapped into the stream of information flowing through the psychiatric community. It's fascinating to know that there are scientists objectively studying and experimenting the very things I've wished for much of my life. They aren't ill, but they choose not to ostracize and condemn, but to lift up and enable the sick. I'd begun to believe it to be hopeless, an existence with mental, emotional, physical trauma and the after-effects that more and still more adults and children suffer through in silence, shamed because society is afraid of what they do not comprehend.
If it takes all of my time and energy to break the silence, shine a clarifying light and to get through to everyone that there is a purpose, a hope, a solution, and even a fight song, "Borrow My Angel" by my own brother, ChuckD of Ovaflow.
It was written as a letter to me, as I lay broken on a hospital bed possibly dying and slipping into a comatose state. The song fueled my soul to fight! The fire HAS forged me "into an incredible sword, an incredible weapon that CAN cut through anything, that CAN make it."
I will be both sword and shield for those not yet strong enough to stand on their own. The sword is my pen. My voice.
The first of the year, I'm going to a facility that specializes in empowering the suicidal and all other mentally and emotionally ill adults, and equips them to take on the world.
This is for my sister, Steph, the many women and men in our family who've suffered, and this is for me.
I've been ostracized at my childhood baptist church, at the baptist school, I've been talked around, gossiped about and called cruel words by those I thought to be my friends, and I even received hate mail condemning me to Hell by the same friends at said school as I lay in ICU in critical condition from a bullet-wound that severed my aorta, punctured my lung, and paralyzed my right arm after losing almost 3/4 of the blood in my body.
I could not possibly care any less what anyone thinks of me any longer. I've already heard the worst from the so-called best. I realized, it's their problem, their malfunction that is bothering them; not me or mine. I am not responsible for their thoughts, hearts or souls. They are. I won't be answering for them one day. They will be. If I allow them to hold me down, when I've fallen, to kick me, then THAT IS my problem. I get to choose my own response, my own emotions, my own heart. My body can be destroyed, but my soul is impervious!
I hope anyone who's suffered like that can take my revelations and stick it to 'em by simply being themself. Noone has the right to make you feel anything; in fact, noone CAN MAKE you feel anything. It's our choice what to feel. Once you can practice That, the rest is much simpler and easier, and every time someone tries to put you down you will see them for the weak and simpleminded fools they are.
If it takes the rest of my Earthly life, I will use the pain I've already suffered to shield others from the same. After all, that's our job as humans: to support one another in our burdened state. Our daily cargo is ours to shoulder, but any and all added burdens are ours to share. It IS biblical after all...
God is in the science. God, through science, can empower us all and protect our next generations. We CAN leave this world better than we entered it. It starts with the person in the mirror, then teaching for the help being offered or seeking the help that waits patiently.
I wish for you,Love Joy & Peace y'all!
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