Yep, I have 7 brothers. God help me.
I have 3 ultra-responsible brothers who are independently successful and good, 2 who have learned from their mistakes and remade themselves into responsible independent men who are now good, and 2 who are less than stellar: they are lazy, selfish, careless, moochers who are delusional, and ignorant of reality... 2 from each group are coming over for Thanksgiving.
Now, I had 2 sisters as well. As a girl, they were like my Evil older Stepsisters or the two sisters who betrayed Belle in Beauty and the Beast. Now, one died shortly after we reconciled 2 years ago and one is a tragic beauty herself - we've reconciled and are fiercely loyal to one another, especially having list our big sister so young. She won't be here for Thanksgiving unfortunately - there are still hard feelings between some members of my family...
My Mother is a hopeless tomboy and my (Step)Dad is all guy's-guy. My one niece won't be here, and two of my 5 nephews will be. 1 of my 2 sisters-in-law who, bless-ed be The Lord! are girly Southern Belles to my Urban-Hillbilly Girl (I may be hillbilly, but I was raised and AM city; I just know how to survive the hills if I must. Dirt is dirty :P ). So, that's 1 girly ally and 10 football fanatics. God be with us!
But, wait! The nephews are 23 months and 7 years old; so football is no fun yet. Ha!
Conclusion???
We play games and...!!! Shop online while we nibble on chocolates, sip cappuccino and gab! Yay >^_^<
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
How many doctors does it take to change this lightbulb?...
7 Doctors, a specially trained RN, toss in a few nursing assistants and 6 coaches on a rotating schedule.
With all that, you'd think I'd be a mutant with a superpower by now.
The only power I've been granted is a cat-like existence: I have several lives apparently. I've died a few times, slipped into a near coma, lost the use of my left arm, have internal brain damage that's causing serious lapses in memory and misfires in motor skills. I've been shot, cut, strangled, punched in the temple, and drugged then left for dead... With all the "clinically dead" scares??? Where's my power. Nowhere, that's where,
Oo-oo-oooooo... Maybe my brain injury will become a psychic power! That way, I know when I'm about to almost die; so I can avoid it!
Ugh, sigh...
Cat woman has my sympathies
With all that, you'd think I'd be a mutant with a superpower by now.
The only power I've been granted is a cat-like existence: I have several lives apparently. I've died a few times, slipped into a near coma, lost the use of my left arm, have internal brain damage that's causing serious lapses in memory and misfires in motor skills. I've been shot, cut, strangled, punched in the temple, and drugged then left for dead... With all the "clinically dead" scares??? Where's my power. Nowhere, that's where,
Oo-oo-oooooo... Maybe my brain injury will become a psychic power! That way, I know when I'm about to almost die; so I can avoid it!
Ugh, sigh...
Cat woman has my sympathies
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Résume for Love?
I obviously have had issues for several years; 21 actually. Operations Desert Shield and Storm near the Persian Gulf were Pivot-Points in my life.
I'll get into ALL of that, later.
My life from '91 to the present was a tragedy in innumerable acts. I've attempted suicide a few times, and my scars are visible and gnarly. I can't hide all of them. I'm uncomfortable with lying about them, even lying by omission or ambiguity.
I've also been involved in things that are seen as beyond taboo by society. My sex addiction stemmed from childhood attempts to assault on my person. This is also a part of my life that I cannot, in good conscience, hide.
I feel as though I have felony convictions on my résume for romance, love, and marriage.
I've thought, for the last 2 years, that it will take a very special man to want me for keeps. My mother is a pessimist when it comes to men (she's miserable in marriage #5, but they just bought a house and are stuck together for many a year to come), and one of my older brothers, who's also my self-proclaimed "keeper," is afraid that I am too gullible and will marry a sex fiend who will only hurt me emotionally., etc.
I have all of their fears as well to lesser extents, but I'm more afraid of being rejected because of my past.
Yes, the past was significant, it helped to shape the woman I am become , and it will haunt me for the rest of my life. But, it IS the past.
I am back in church, back to a cozy friendship with God. At church, is where I want to find my friends - even if they attend a different church or are believers of a denomination. I hope to find my soulmate at church or through church friends.
Will "he" hold my past against me? Will he become "too busy" for me and disappear from my world? Will he give me a chance? Has he already retreated from the knowing of my past? Am I meant to be alone because of my past?
I try to act nonchalant about it all, but I'm frightened at the thought of being alone for the rest of my life, never knowing love.
Am I underestimating the character of men? Am I vilifying them based on the very past I want to overcome?
I'll get into ALL of that, later.
My life from '91 to the present was a tragedy in innumerable acts. I've attempted suicide a few times, and my scars are visible and gnarly. I can't hide all of them. I'm uncomfortable with lying about them, even lying by omission or ambiguity.
I've also been involved in things that are seen as beyond taboo by society. My sex addiction stemmed from childhood attempts to assault on my person. This is also a part of my life that I cannot, in good conscience, hide.
I feel as though I have felony convictions on my résume for romance, love, and marriage.
I've thought, for the last 2 years, that it will take a very special man to want me for keeps. My mother is a pessimist when it comes to men (she's miserable in marriage #5, but they just bought a house and are stuck together for many a year to come), and one of my older brothers, who's also my self-proclaimed "keeper," is afraid that I am too gullible and will marry a sex fiend who will only hurt me emotionally., etc.
I have all of their fears as well to lesser extents, but I'm more afraid of being rejected because of my past.
Yes, the past was significant, it helped to shape the woman I am become , and it will haunt me for the rest of my life. But, it IS the past.
I am back in church, back to a cozy friendship with God. At church, is where I want to find my friends - even if they attend a different church or are believers of a denomination. I hope to find my soulmate at church or through church friends.
Will "he" hold my past against me? Will he become "too busy" for me and disappear from my world? Will he give me a chance? Has he already retreated from the knowing of my past? Am I meant to be alone because of my past?
I try to act nonchalant about it all, but I'm frightened at the thought of being alone for the rest of my life, never knowing love.
Am I underestimating the character of men? Am I vilifying them based on the very past I want to overcome?
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
The Enemy Within
It just so happens, there IS a surgery that could trump these past 21 years of psychiatric care: medication, cognitive therapies, etc.
I know my enemy is in there somewhere within my frontal lobe. Thanks to great strides in technology, a surgeon can drill into my frontal lobe and connect areas to one another so my mind processes thoughts/data as though I am a Well Person.
It turns out, while we cannot regrow brain cells, we CAN grow connections and regrow them. My mind recalls what it is to be well, and where inside it the necessary area to recreate that wellness. It's a matter of balance.
The problem isn't knowing how to be well, it's knowing how to get back to that wellness while ALL bridges have been destroyed.
This surgery is the stuff of legends. Yes, it's major surgery, but the potential costs for the opportunity are far outweighed by the miracle God could provide through the procedure.
If only the surgery weren't still in the experimental phase. It HAS been successful so far, but it could be another 10, 20 years before its available let alone affordable.
Here's praying for the miracle to occur sooner than that
I know my enemy is in there somewhere within my frontal lobe. Thanks to great strides in technology, a surgeon can drill into my frontal lobe and connect areas to one another so my mind processes thoughts/data as though I am a Well Person.
It turns out, while we cannot regrow brain cells, we CAN grow connections and regrow them. My mind recalls what it is to be well, and where inside it the necessary area to recreate that wellness. It's a matter of balance.
The problem isn't knowing how to be well, it's knowing how to get back to that wellness while ALL bridges have been destroyed.
This surgery is the stuff of legends. Yes, it's major surgery, but the potential costs for the opportunity are far outweighed by the miracle God could provide through the procedure.
If only the surgery weren't still in the experimental phase. It HAS been successful so far, but it could be another 10, 20 years before its available let alone affordable.
Here's praying for the miracle to occur sooner than that
Forensic Psychiatry Patient Journey
3 magazines jumped out at me while buying a new journal at Barnes and Noble: Discover Magazine's The Brain, Time Magazine's Your Brain - A User's Guide, and an issue of Psychology Today.
I'm determined to learn as much as possible about The Enemy Within... I couldn't save my sister, but I can save myself and try to help others do the same.
Forensic Psychiatry is the only field that incorporates both Psychiatry and Genetics and Neurology, all of which are intertwined and affect us at our "Motherboard," our Brain.
The heart is like a battery to me and the brain the big circuit board that facilitates operations to our wiring and circuitry throughout our bodies, Nerves.
So, research time! I've already tapped into the stream of information flowing through the psychiatric community. It's fascinating to know that there are scientists objectively studying and experimenting the very things I've wished for much of my life. They aren't ill, but they choose not to ostracize and condemn, but to lift up and enable the sick. I'd begun to believe it to be hopeless, an existence with mental, emotional, physical trauma and the after-effects that more and still more adults and children suffer through in silence, shamed because society is afraid of what they do not comprehend.
If it takes all of my time and energy to break the silence, shine a clarifying light and to get through to everyone that there is a purpose, a hope, a solution, and even a fight song, "Borrow My Angel" by my own brother, ChuckD of Ovaflow.
It was written as a letter to me, as I lay broken on a hospital bed possibly dying and slipping into a comatose state. The song fueled my soul to fight! The fire HAS forged me "into an incredible sword, an incredible weapon that CAN cut through anything, that CAN make it."
I will be both sword and shield for those not yet strong enough to stand on their own. The sword is my pen. My voice.
The first of the year, I'm going to a facility that specializes in empowering the suicidal and all other mentally and emotionally ill adults, and equips them to take on the world.
This is for my sister, Steph, the many women and men in our family who've suffered, and this is for me.
I've been ostracized at my childhood baptist church, at the baptist school, I've been talked around, gossiped about and called cruel words by those I thought to be my friends, and I even received hate mail condemning me to Hell by the same friends at said school as I lay in ICU in critical condition from a bullet-wound that severed my aorta, punctured my lung, and paralyzed my right arm after losing almost 3/4 of the blood in my body.
I could not possibly care any less what anyone thinks of me any longer. I've already heard the worst from the so-called best. I realized, it's their problem, their malfunction that is bothering them; not me or mine. I am not responsible for their thoughts, hearts or souls. They are. I won't be answering for them one day. They will be. If I allow them to hold me down, when I've fallen, to kick me, then THAT IS my problem. I get to choose my own response, my own emotions, my own heart. My body can be destroyed, but my soul is impervious!
I hope anyone who's suffered like that can take my revelations and stick it to 'em by simply being themself. Noone has the right to make you feel anything; in fact, noone CAN MAKE you feel anything. It's our choice what to feel. Once you can practice That, the rest is much simpler and easier, and every time someone tries to put you down you will see them for the weak and simpleminded fools they are.
If it takes the rest of my Earthly life, I will use the pain I've already suffered to shield others from the same. After all, that's our job as humans: to support one another in our burdened state. Our daily cargo is ours to shoulder, but any and all added burdens are ours to share. It IS biblical after all...
God is in the science. God, through science, can empower us all and protect our next generations. We CAN leave this world better than we entered it. It starts with the person in the mirror, then teaching for the help being offered or seeking the help that waits patiently.
I wish for you,Love Joy & Peace y'all!
I'm determined to learn as much as possible about The Enemy Within... I couldn't save my sister, but I can save myself and try to help others do the same.
Forensic Psychiatry is the only field that incorporates both Psychiatry and Genetics and Neurology, all of which are intertwined and affect us at our "Motherboard," our Brain.
The heart is like a battery to me and the brain the big circuit board that facilitates operations to our wiring and circuitry throughout our bodies, Nerves.
So, research time! I've already tapped into the stream of information flowing through the psychiatric community. It's fascinating to know that there are scientists objectively studying and experimenting the very things I've wished for much of my life. They aren't ill, but they choose not to ostracize and condemn, but to lift up and enable the sick. I'd begun to believe it to be hopeless, an existence with mental, emotional, physical trauma and the after-effects that more and still more adults and children suffer through in silence, shamed because society is afraid of what they do not comprehend.
If it takes all of my time and energy to break the silence, shine a clarifying light and to get through to everyone that there is a purpose, a hope, a solution, and even a fight song, "Borrow My Angel" by my own brother, ChuckD of Ovaflow.
It was written as a letter to me, as I lay broken on a hospital bed possibly dying and slipping into a comatose state. The song fueled my soul to fight! The fire HAS forged me "into an incredible sword, an incredible weapon that CAN cut through anything, that CAN make it."
I will be both sword and shield for those not yet strong enough to stand on their own. The sword is my pen. My voice.
The first of the year, I'm going to a facility that specializes in empowering the suicidal and all other mentally and emotionally ill adults, and equips them to take on the world.
This is for my sister, Steph, the many women and men in our family who've suffered, and this is for me.
I've been ostracized at my childhood baptist church, at the baptist school, I've been talked around, gossiped about and called cruel words by those I thought to be my friends, and I even received hate mail condemning me to Hell by the same friends at said school as I lay in ICU in critical condition from a bullet-wound that severed my aorta, punctured my lung, and paralyzed my right arm after losing almost 3/4 of the blood in my body.
I could not possibly care any less what anyone thinks of me any longer. I've already heard the worst from the so-called best. I realized, it's their problem, their malfunction that is bothering them; not me or mine. I am not responsible for their thoughts, hearts or souls. They are. I won't be answering for them one day. They will be. If I allow them to hold me down, when I've fallen, to kick me, then THAT IS my problem. I get to choose my own response, my own emotions, my own heart. My body can be destroyed, but my soul is impervious!
I hope anyone who's suffered like that can take my revelations and stick it to 'em by simply being themself. Noone has the right to make you feel anything; in fact, noone CAN MAKE you feel anything. It's our choice what to feel. Once you can practice That, the rest is much simpler and easier, and every time someone tries to put you down you will see them for the weak and simpleminded fools they are.
If it takes the rest of my Earthly life, I will use the pain I've already suffered to shield others from the same. After all, that's our job as humans: to support one another in our burdened state. Our daily cargo is ours to shoulder, but any and all added burdens are ours to share. It IS biblical after all...
God is in the science. God, through science, can empower us all and protect our next generations. We CAN leave this world better than we entered it. It starts with the person in the mirror, then teaching for the help being offered or seeking the help that waits patiently.
I wish for you,Love Joy & Peace y'all!
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