Please, allow me to emphasize: I harbor no hard feelings, resentment, or grudges for the abuse I experienced. Because I cannot forgive myself and leave others unforgiven, at least I can't, personally, and because I want to live a life free of chains, I have forgiven every single injustice. I will not forget, quite the opposite, I will remember so that I may never make the same mistakes or leave myself so vulnerable again. But, I have forgiven and moved on to better relationships with those people or removed myself from their world if I see a toxic person.
Also, some of this information came to me secondhand; so there is potential for bias. Some of this may be wrong, but I trust the sources.
I have a sibling who was wronged greatly by her biological parents and my father. Her father didn't want her, her mother abandoned her, then my father ignored her after choosing to adopt her. He had a daughter born before, let's call her "Jenny", and I who was his focal point. As you can imagine, Jenny was hurt deeply by this and it affected her behavior, outlook and relationships throughout childhood and her adulthood to a point. She deserved better. She deserved love. I wish I could go back in time and hold her, just hold her until all the tears are cried, the wales are screamed, and until she KNOWS she is loved unconditionally by at least me. We may be sisters by law alone, but the bond goes much deeper. Blood may be thicker than water, but love is stronger than blood. Period.
Because of her neglect, she was changed. What chances she had at happiness were denied and she hated my very existence. I could have had green hair and orange eyes and she still would've seen me as yet another "in her face" favorite or attended child before her.
There were days when our cousins witnessed her enticing me to place my tiny toddler hand between the door and the jamb so she could shut the door on it. There were often days when I would "accidentally" get my hands shut in our old Dodge Ram van doors while we washed and dried it as a family. Because of this and other incidents, I was locked in my room at night for my own safety, I always had to have my own room, and my big brothers ranging from 5 to 9 to 10 years older kept me close.
When I was around 10 years old, I looked over my shoulder. she wanted me dead, would show up at my Mom's house (after our parents divorce) drunk and threatening me with imminent death. My classmates made fun; they never knew how sad and scared I was 99% of the time. They made jokes, laughed, scoffed in disbelief, but never offered me their company as a sense of security. I felt so alone throughout my teenage years that I eventually attempted suicide. That happened 3 years from the first death threat.
I should jump forward to today. My sister and I have reconnected after a great loss that devastated us both. All is forgiven. We're moving forward as sisters, building a relationship anew and slowly so that it lasts throughout the next 50+ years of our lives.
After all the pain and trauma she was plagued with, how could anyone hate the child she was or not forgive who she was, when no one looked (or, in my Mother's case, she wasn't permitted to look)beyond the surface to the cause, how could anyone judge. Love, patience, empathy, these are what everyone in these situations need, not hate or judging or grudges.
She's my sister. Anyone who wrings her, wrongs me. She's my sister, in every way that matters <3
I know, I've rambled and left a few holes, but I'll only tell what I know from my own memory and from trusted sources when the topic involves me. I won't disclose if I wasn't involved.
Also, some of this information came to me secondhand; so there is potential for bias. Some of this may be wrong, but I trust the sources.
I have a sibling who was wronged greatly by her biological parents and my father. Her father didn't want her, her mother abandoned her, then my father ignored her after choosing to adopt her. He had a daughter born before, let's call her "Jenny", and I who was his focal point. As you can imagine, Jenny was hurt deeply by this and it affected her behavior, outlook and relationships throughout childhood and her adulthood to a point. She deserved better. She deserved love. I wish I could go back in time and hold her, just hold her until all the tears are cried, the wales are screamed, and until she KNOWS she is loved unconditionally by at least me. We may be sisters by law alone, but the bond goes much deeper. Blood may be thicker than water, but love is stronger than blood. Period.
Because of her neglect, she was changed. What chances she had at happiness were denied and she hated my very existence. I could have had green hair and orange eyes and she still would've seen me as yet another "in her face" favorite or attended child before her.
There were days when our cousins witnessed her enticing me to place my tiny toddler hand between the door and the jamb so she could shut the door on it. There were often days when I would "accidentally" get my hands shut in our old Dodge Ram van doors while we washed and dried it as a family. Because of this and other incidents, I was locked in my room at night for my own safety, I always had to have my own room, and my big brothers ranging from 5 to 9 to 10 years older kept me close.
When I was around 10 years old, I looked over my shoulder. she wanted me dead, would show up at my Mom's house (after our parents divorce) drunk and threatening me with imminent death. My classmates made fun; they never knew how sad and scared I was 99% of the time. They made jokes, laughed, scoffed in disbelief, but never offered me their company as a sense of security. I felt so alone throughout my teenage years that I eventually attempted suicide. That happened 3 years from the first death threat.
I should jump forward to today. My sister and I have reconnected after a great loss that devastated us both. All is forgiven. We're moving forward as sisters, building a relationship anew and slowly so that it lasts throughout the next 50+ years of our lives.
After all the pain and trauma she was plagued with, how could anyone hate the child she was or not forgive who she was, when no one looked (or, in my Mother's case, she wasn't permitted to look)beyond the surface to the cause, how could anyone judge. Love, patience, empathy, these are what everyone in these situations need, not hate or judging or grudges.
She's my sister. Anyone who wrings her, wrongs me. She's my sister, in every way that matters <3
I know, I've rambled and left a few holes, but I'll only tell what I know from my own memory and from trusted sources when the topic involves me. I won't disclose if I wasn't involved.
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