Hypochondriachal Tendencies

So, I've been feeling crummy for over a week. I have some nasty symptoms that I won't disgust anyone with by discussing them...
Anyway, I can't decide whether I'm sick or overreacting. I hate Borderline Personality Disorder right about now.
It has me second guessing everything.  Am I sick, or neurotic?
Well, okay. We already know, I'm neurotic; I'd like to think the list of neurosis isn't growing.
Argh!
Ugh.

Day 5 Operation Define Waistline (no longer Waistline Deadline)

Day 5 Operation Waistline Deadline Define Waistline
or Op Waist-Dead O'De' Waist

So, I started off at 208 pounds this time around. I'm down to 203.4 as of this morning. Yippee :)

I have a long long way to go before my waistline is defined as it should be on a healthy woman of 30-ish.
I intend to get there in one year or less.
G, Z and I are considering martial arts training to slim down. Z needs to bulk up, whereas G and I need to slim down. It'll help us all.
A friend of G's is offering free lessons for a year out of concern for our health. Now, he's a true friend. We'd be very sick indeed to turn him down. I won't let that happen.

it's my party and I'll clean if I want to...

It's my Birthday.
Don't ask my why, but I felt like cleaning the bathroom. But, I realized nearing the end that we're out of floor cleaner; so I'm left with a half-clean WC. ah well. Good enough for now. I'll go shopping tomorrow or when Z gets home from her Nanna's tonight.
I can hardly wait to open the rest of my gifts. I have to wait for Z to get home. It wouldn't be the same without her.
I know they got me a movie and a food processor, but it's what movie and what kind of food processor that have me excited. ^_^
We're having a big family dinner this Friday at my favorite Cantonese restaurant called Yen Ching in Ozark, MO. I'm really really looking forward to it. It's such a nice place and so cheap compared to the high class decor and service and quality. I am always amazed by that. They even have a gift shop with the cutest stuff. I can hardly wait to introduce G and Z to it.
Well, otherwise, I'm finally selling the last of my excess furniture this afternoon. G and I had duplicates of a lot; so we're selling what we no longer need to make room for what suits us all best.
It helps with bills too once in a while...
Anyway, I'm off to be lazy for a day :D
Toodles!
CharityChatterbox

Fat Again

So... I've gone months without writing. Not healthy. UNhealthy.
I'm fat again. Not phat. Fat.
208 pounds on a 5'4" frame is not safe.
If I want to be healthy, I need to lose around 85-90 pounds.
But.
There is good news.

I've fallen in love.
Granted, my mother/landlord kicked me out over it. But, I'm happy with where I landed.
In the arms of my soulmate, "G," and the stepDaughter, "Z," of my dreams.
He's unhealthy too; so we're in the fight together.

He has a true friend "T," who's a martial arts instructor. T sent an email this week to let G know we have free lessons for a year to save his life and keep me from putting mine in further danger.
So, G,Z and I are going to be getting our butts kicked here soon.

Anyway, there is more to tell, and I'm hoping to set Z up with her own blog; so she can vent her teenage angst, but I have a wonderfully full life now that has me "doing" more and feeling drained when it comes to writing at the end of the day...

I vow to get better though. This is all really very therapeutic.

Day 60 Operation Waistline Deadline

Food Rules

• Take 15…
...minutes to cool down and rate your hunger on a scale from 0-10, 0=starving to 10=overstuffed.

• Stay away from the Frey (the kitchen)

• Walk it off
a. Walk
b. Listen to music
c. Read a magazine or book
d. Call a friend
e. Knit or Sew
f. Do a puzzle
g. Do a mix of several of these

• Record everything…food and drink

• Small
a. Plates
b. Glasses
c. Utensils
d. Bites
e. Portions

• Eat
a. preferred/favorite foods first
b. leave a small portion on your plate

• Only at the Table

• Atmosphere
a. No distractions
b. No food outside the kitchen
c. No eating while busy
d. No eating while watching TV

• Grocery-Shop in Groups ~with supporters who take your health seriously too
a. Stick to your list
b. Pre-plan meals for each day
c. Re-package food for each day immediately after grocery shopping
d. Make a time schedule to eat meals and snacks for each day

• If someone wants a snack, they have to make it themselves (so you aren’t tempted and don’t tempt others)

• Ask family and friends to stop using food as gifts or celebrations/rewards for you
a. Give them alternative ideas like:
i. Bowling
ii. Skating
iii. Mini golf
iv. Movie Night
v. $10 or $20 shopping spree together at your favorite store
vi. New book
vii. Favorite flowers

• Change your route when maneuvering your way elsewhere at work so you avoid the most tempting of foods

• Keep excess foods away from the table
a. everyone must get up to serve themselves more portions
b. Clear the table immediately after finishing the meal
c. Package leftovers in small portions

• Give away or throw away leftovers from parties
a. Sit or stand away from your favorite foods
b. Limit eating to one spot
c. Record what you eat
d. Choose small portions

• Decide beforehand what you’ll eat at a restaurant
a. Avoid long periods of deprivation before meals or eating at a restaurant (keep healthy snacks in conscientious portions on hand just-in-case)
b. At buffets, study everything offered before making your selections
c. Record everything still, discreetly if necessary

Day 54 Operation Waistline Deadline

190.2 pounds

Time-out!
Yep, another woopsee-daisy.
I live in a rural, upper middle class subdivision, of which I am the least of.
I am not among the elite, or near elite as my immediate neighbors are.
We have upper class homes to the east and lower middle class homes to the west. I belong well within the west.
I could not possibly care less. They can opt not to ever wave back to me, but I will always grin and wave to them. They may look down at me from their luxury SUV's, but I will continue to blissfully, if not erratically, inline skate like a lemming lunatic down the street, praying to thwump into a Bradford Pear and not sploosh into the "lake" at the base of our 5-home street/subdivision.
I'd rather be looney than uptight. I'd rather have a mind and heart opened by wonder than closed by belief.
Anyway, my home appears to be a wealthy woman's home. It could be. If it were, the quirks would be fixed within days, I have no doubt. As it is, the house is a near money pit. I feel like Shelley Long in more ways than that alone. I'm accident prone.
That d@&#$d Irish Murphey and his law have cursed my Scottish line. I just know it.
Anyway, the latest in a three-year line of systematic red alert melt downs, was the well. The well is no longer housed in a wooden Holly Hobby like romantic housing. It's in concrete. It has a concrete lid that I cannot lift or even slide off without help. The handle bars are made of steel, very thick steel.
Lightening struck the steel.
The steel rods were touching the wiring to the pump.
Gee, who'da thunk steel, electricity and water would be a bad idea?
So, no water for a day, and a hefty bill for the extensive work entailed in removing everything (I swear, the thing is a quarter mile deep with all the gizmos and piping they pulled out).
Several days later, I went back to drinking water from the refrigerator dispenser as normal.
What I did not realize, was my fridge's filter was old. It should've been replaced.
I began drinking water with limestone.
I am now sick.
You see, I have no gallbladder.
It went berserk three years ago and had to be removed.
So. My body wasn't breaking down the chemicals before reaching my kidneys.
My kidneys got overworked and made a formal and loud complaint.
My digestive system is now on strike and production is painful. Did I mention, I am in pain? I am in pain.
With all of this rigmarole to deal with, Op Waist-Dead is gonna have to pause for a few until I can move again. Right now, all I can think about is curling up under the cover of 300 count Egyptian cotton and a heavy comforter and resting my head on a fluffy pillow.

My goal is to be 187.0 by the 15th for my first checkup since the Op began.
But, if life continues being, well, life, I may have to settle for 190.0.

I began at 212 pounds.
Day 60, if I am 187, I will have lost 25 pounds.
I want to make Dr Sharma proud. He's invested so much in my health these past three years; the least I can do is prove how well I've learned.

I'm almost to the 25 pound mark :D
Okay, this is how dorky I am.
I bought a black wall organizer that has a small cork board, dry erase board, a cubby box for markers, an eraser and thumb tacks, and three tiny hooks for light whatevers to hang from. It's from Targét; so it's simple and cute.
It's my 25 pound gift to myself. It's sitting on the floor near my bed, just waiting patiently to be hung in a place of practical cuteness.

Well, I'm off to rest.
Sorry if this blurb is sporadic and tangential, but that's how my mind works. It's just more pronounced when I'm ill.

Toodle-loo y'all!

Day 48 Operation Waistline Deadline

193.8 lbs

Yesterday's Weight: 194.8 lbs
Weight Lost: 1 lb

Highest Weight: 212 lbs
Goal Weight: 112 lbs
Weight Lost: 18.2 lbs
Weight to Lose: 81.8 lbs
Days to Deadline: 182
Average Daily Loss Needed: 0.45 lbs

I can definitely live with losing 1 pound in 1 day. I have no clue how I did it, because I snuck a mini bag of sugar-free Russel Stover chocolate covered peanuts last night :D But, I'm not complaining. I'm stoked.
I'll eat a bag more often if that's what it takes :P

So, in the spirit of full disclosure, and a quote I read recently:
"What I eat in private will appear in public,"
as well as the infuriating discovery that programs in place are tailored to the morbidly obese and leave the obese and overweight to fend for themselves, I am opening up even more. I'm miffed. I don't get miffed unless I see someone else hurt, and I see my country in a health crisis. The saddest revelation is that the majority are in denial or blissfully unaware. I am actually fighting back tears right now, I am so upset.
I've the time and resources at this period in my life to heal myself and my own unhealthy condition.
So.
So, I'm going to try to share everything I am taught along the way and that I have learned already.
It's daunting, but if y'all continue to ignore the anaconda slowly swallowing you, I'm going to do my best to pry him off one tiny fang at a time - and they have countless fangs down their throats. Gross analogy, but well, I hate being alone with John Voigt winking and dying in my nightmares :D You're welcome.

Fads do NOT last. They may work to stop a chunk of fat quickly in a few weeks. But. Be honest with yourself. Are you really going to follow the strict guidelines for the rest of your life? Can you really avoid pizza, burgers, ice cream, pasta, dessert, cookies, chips and dip, dipping your veggies in sour cream and chives, soda, sweet tea, chocolate milk, shakes, and so on forever? C'mon! Be honest with yourself! You will treat yourself now and again. Just like you take the elevator on occasion with the stairs available. Just like cycling could get you to work, you use your car. It's okay. You are human.

1. 80/20
80% of your time be healthy
20% of your time be human

That is one of the principles my psychologist has taught me.
That's right. I said psychologist. I ain't ashamed. If you don't know me by now and that I come from a loooooong line of genetically predisposed mentally ill persons than, well, Hello! My name is Charity and I have psychoses :D Nice ta meetcha ;)
Okay, back on point.
That's 1 principle of countless. But I'll be counting. So, I guess they will be counted. Oh be quiet y'all :P it sounded good in my thoughts; so Phbbtt! Ah, I love laughing at myself.
Oh, that's a good one too.
Learn to laugh at yourself. If you can shrug off stumbling and keep moving forward, and with a good attitude, you're already a success. That's how I see it anyway. It's kept me alive; I'd say that's success for a formerly suicidal chick wouldn't you?

2. Learn to laugh at life-affirming stumbles.

That's what they are. If you stumble and break a nail or stub a toe or bump a shin or hammer a thumb, you feel something. That means you're alive! :D that means you still have hope. Why? How? If you're alive, you have time to change. You have the chance to:

3. Be the change you wish to see in the world.

Just like the man said, - the man would be Michael Jackson, who started with the man in the mirror.

4. If you focus on results you will never change.
However,
If you focus on change, you will get results.

The way to change? Simple.

5. Calories In vs Calories Out

That IS all it is. You are unique. There is no magic number that will work for every person. Your body composition is unique to you.

6. CaloriesPerHour.com

That's where you will find the calculators to your unique newts and needs.

BMI: Body Mass Index
this will classify you as Underweight, Healthy, Overweight, Obese, Morbidly Obese

BMR: Basal Metabolic Rate
this will give you an idea of how many calories you need to maintain your weight, AFTER cross-referencing it with the lifestyle below it - Sedentary to Active...

RMR: Resting Metabolic Rate
this will give you an idea, again after cross-referencing, of how many calories you need to maintain your current rate if you spend your entire day in a state of rest/sleep.

You can also discover how much you burn in almost every activity you can imagine, based on your gender, height, weight and the time you spend in that activity.

You can also calculate how many calories to deduct from the general 2000 the FDA suggests in order to reach your goal as well as how long it will take all based on your gender, age, height and current weight vs goal weight. The calculation can be performed to discover how many calories to deduct to be at your goal by a certain date, or how much time it will take based on how many calories you deduct, or how much you will weigh by deducting a certain number of calories for a certain period of time.

There is also a food calculator that has a somewhat large database of caloric counts for common foods and brands.

I think that about covers the site. It's absolutely free and I am there at least three times a day checking my numbers and goals and recalibrating.



7. Use small plates and bowls, as well as forks and spoons so your servings and bites are the healthy size.

8. Designate a spot for eating only. Allow no distractions while you eat - no tv, music, newspaper, chatter, etc

9. No food or non-water beverage is allowed away from the designated spot. Ever.

10. Drink water continuously throughout the day, totaling 64 ounces minimum. Don't gulp in a few sittings. Allow it to be an all day experience so you have hydration at all times.

I think that's plenty for one day. My brain hurts and John Cleese isn't around with his mallet :P

Toodle-loo!